The Food of My Dreams

I'm back! Sorry! Here's the long and short of it: I was working 2 "full time" jobs for pretty much all of April. Soooo yeah. I haven't made it to the gym a whole heck of a lot, but I have been a few times. Nichole has a spin class in the evenings, too, so I'm planning on switching to that one. I didn't go tonight because I'm busy getting ready to go up to my sister's graduation this wknd. But after this week my schedule will FINALLY be what is now considered "normal" (although it's taken me 4 wks now to consider waking up before dawn as anything other than cruel and unusual. Lol). My plan is to go to spin on Wednesday nights, train on Fridays, and work out on my own on Saturdays an Sunday's. There's also a couple spin classes Saturday morning that I may try to start going to. =) I've still been trying to eat right and I've actually lost a couple lbs even thought I've worked out like 3 times the whole month of April. Mostly because I'm on my feet the majority of the day so I'm burning a lot more calories everyday. =)

So let me tell you about working out today! It sucked so much. Lol not really. I didn't even attempt cardio because tomorrow is gonna be loooong and I know I'm not in the same shape I was a couple weeks ago. Haha. But I hit upper body pretty hard (after talking to josh for like 20 mins) so I feel good about it. Especially bc it feels like I've been out for so long.

I've discovered these things called "compleats" and they have healthy ones that are like 280 calories for a pretty filling lunch. I mean, old Marissa would still be pretty hungry after one but I've been eating those and a piece of fruit for lunch pretty consistently for the last 3 wks. It seems to be working out. =) I'm also drinking a lot more green tea because ive read a couple different places that it can promote fat loss. So instead of sweet tea(which I was trying to stop drinking anyway) I've just pretty much switched to a big glass of diet green tea a day. =) I'm finding portion control a lot easier than it was a year ago. Even 6 months ago. I'm finding the urge to "pig out" steadily declining. It's pretty exciting.

Although my subconscious is still pretty angry about this whole lifestyle change apparently. I had a dream last week that I went to something at church (like a anniversary celebration or something) and they had a HUGE buffet of nothing but sweets and deserts. Like whole sections devoted to cakes, pies, ice cream, ice cream cakes, cookies, cookie cakes. And there was like this deli counter looking thing and in my dream I was like "oh good maybe I can go get a turkey sandwich or something" and I got there and it was nothing but birthday cakes behind the glass. White, chocolate, marble, different kinds of frosting, some sheet cakes, some layers. So I just started loading up my plate with all these kinds of cakes and pies and an ice cream sundae and ate it all and then took like 2 to-go containers. I woke up and I was like "WTF?!" lol. Apparently I really freaking wanted chocolate cake. It was so bizarre. Luckily nothing like that has happened...but if it does I will just leave and find the closest grilled chicken sandwich. ...but maybe grab a cupcake on the way out. =)

Awesomeness is Exhausting.

Seriously. I'm so worn out from being awesome all week. =P haha but really, let me tell you about it!!

Monday I tried a new class!! It's called "body sculpt" and then there's like 10 mins of straight abs at the end. Holy crap it was such a good workout. It was like a super high energy group training session. My balance is apparently awful so some of the stuff was really hard for me, but it was fun.

Tuesday I had an hr with josh (who apparently has a man/trainer crush on my super buff bf) and we did upper body. This translates to arms, chest and back; and then the hardest ab circuit he's ever had me do. It was like 5 diff things and I only did it twice. I felt so accomplished when I was done though. That's always the best feeling. =)

Wednesday I did spin, of course! Unfortunately it was a different instructor bc Nichole was sick, so it took a little getting used to. And then today I did Zumba again!! Both of these I burned less calories than I did last time but it's because Wednesday the teacher was running late, and today I was running late. Haha. So today I was also supposed to train for 30 mins with josh but he had to leave. But instead of going to take a nap like I REALLY wanted to, I went BACK to the gym. I let Will suggest what I did, and then added hips and abs on top of that. I went HAM, as they say. Lol. Here's a pic, actually.

Sooo yeah. I gave myself a really freaking hard ab circuit if you couldn't tell. I'm trying so hard to actually see results next week! And of course, by this summer. But jeez I need to get some sun before then. Maybe now that it's nice I'll actually start doing some of my mileage outside. What a concept, huh?

Gym Juggernaut

Y'all... I cannot even begin to tell you how much I enjoyed Zumba class. I knew I would, but I didn't realize I was gonna have so much fun! Especially because 2 of the songs we danced to were straight off my workout station. I burned close to 1,200 calories in that hr class and I enjoyed every minute of it. After that I actually had a pretty positive sauna experience. Haha. It was more crowded but all the women in there were normal->big and chatty so until they left it was ok, then I got to lay down and it helped, I think. I actually strained my left lat[timus dorsi] so instead of training with josh we just talked while he showed me some stretches.

They must've helped bc I felt better enough today to go to my hour group training and burn 800 calories with Nichole. =) I kinda wimped out on these pike things she wanted us to do at the very end bc any way I did them my back was yelling at me. Haha. But it was a fun circuit training thing where we went in a rotation and did all sorts of stuff. The hardest for me was probably the jump roping. I was really good at the beginning but as I got more and more tired the harder and harder it got. Haha. My favorite was this weird ab thing I've never done before but I really liked. ...I just tried to explain it but I kept having to delete it bc it didn't make sense. Lol. Maybe I'll draw you a picture later. I think I'm gonna add it into my ab sets next week. =)

Speaking of next week- I'm gonna be hitting it hard again(I've gone to the gym 5 days in a row this week!). I'm planning on going to spin Monday, an hr with josh on Tuesday, spin Wednesday, and Zumba on Thursday. Bc week after that will be time for measurements again!! I WILL be down to a 14 by the beginning of this summer. It will happen, I am determined. I'm not ready for a bikini yet or anything, still too much back-fat-roll and thigh jiggle, but I'm slowly but surely getting there. Hmm, you might not have wanted to know the specifics on that, sorry. Lol. The main thing is, I will be down to a size where they SELL bikinis, even if I shouldn't be wearing one yet. Lol.

You know what else I shouldn't be wearing? These red soccer shorts I've been living in for the last like, 8 years. They're way too big but because they're also a tad on the short side, they're starting to be inappropriate for public wear. At least if I'm doing ab stuff where lifting my legs is involved bc my thighs are small enough now where the leg holes are way too big. Haha. More TMI for those of you I don't know as well, but there it is. Lol. So favorite red shorts are officially retired for gym use! Yay! This means I need to go find a pair that actually FITS me! Such a novel concept. Lol. Now where's the closest adidas outlet?

Saunas Suck, Surprisingly

Hey guys! So, Wednesday spin class was pretty good today. Every week my endurance is up and I can TELL! Gotta love results you can actually feel even if they're not measured. Yesterday I was on the elliptical for 30 mins and I did 2.3 miles so I feel pretty good about that. I burned 850ish calories yesterday and 750ish calories today so I am gonna step it up tomorrow bc I like to have at least one day in the gym a week where I burn around 1200 calories.

Also, tomorrow I'm going to my first Zumba class!! I've been wanting to try it for ages but I didn't want to go by myself and I couldn't find one at a time I liked, but now they offer one tomorrow at the same time as my spin class was today! A few of us were talking after spin and we're going tomorrow so we all have friends to help us laugh at ourselves. =) I'm really excited! And of course I will let you known how it goes. So tomorrow I'm going to Zumba in the morning and then I have a half our with josh in the afternoon, and THEN Friday morning I have an hour small group with Nichole. So basically I'm using this week to go to the gym every day and kick my butt back into gear. I'm gonna be so exhausted. I'm still a bit sore from legs on Monday, but yesterday after I did my ab circuit [ 3 x (20 flat bicycles, 12 leg-extensions/reverse-crunches/whatever-you-call-them, 20 Jesus sit ups)] I decided to try out the sauna. My glutes and quads were still killing me(I was cursing myself for doing those 2 extra sets of leg presses the day before) and I knew that supposedly the sauna helped.

Well, how does one go about getting in the sauna at the gym? Good question! I have NO IDEA. I didn't have a towel with me, other than my already drenched workout hand towel. Even if I did, I wasn't going to strip down and wrap myself up for a post-workout steam. Ok well I have nice thick boy shorts on and a good sports bra and they happen to both be black, so I could just lay there in my underwear...right? Shows you how far I've come that this was actually my initial plan. But do I strip to my skivvies in the locker room and walk over there in my underwear? I'm not ok with this plan anymore. Ok... So maybe I just wait and take off my shirt and shorts once I get in there? Good plan. So I took off my shoes and socks and left them with my keys in a locker. I took my water and my phone with me, and walked barefoot to the sauna(making a mental note to bring my flip flops next time I wanted to do this). So I take a quick glance at the warning posting, make note that I am not pregnant or drunk so I should be good to go but to leave if I feel dizzy or nauseas(duh?). I open the door and walk in and find not just one, but TWO skinny girls laying in there fully dressed with shoes and everything. Well, crap. So at this point, in my mind, I have no socially acceptable choice but to lay there fully dressed in the remaining spot (which is on the lower "shelf", if you will, and slightly more narrow than the upper one). So there I lay with my two very small and very silent sauna companions trying to be as unobtrusive as I can with about 5 inches of my right side hanging off of the ledge that I'm on. Oh by the way, it's 180 degrees Fahrenheit according to the sign outside, and I'm sweating even more than I was while I was just pounding out my last ab circuit to the 2 step remix while trying to ignore the 5-7 young good-looking guys trying to look impressive for themselves and everyone else in the mirrors by the ab mats.

So I lay there for a couple minutes, trying to move as little as possible while trying to figure out what to do with my arms. Skinny girl #1 gets up and leaves, so I wait til she's definitely gone and get up to move to the upper shelf which should just about be wide enough for my Latina hips. I sit there for a minute to decide how I want to situate my self when ANOTHER intimidatingly thin girl comes in and lays down where ITG(intimidatingly thin girl) #1 just was. Well, crap. Now I don't have room to also lay down, which is apparently the ideal position for cooking yourself post-workout. I sit there and try to decide if I should just leave even though I've only been in here for about 5 minutes when skinny woman #2 leaves. yay! So I move to her spot and lay down, even though that puts my feet about a foot and a half away from ITG but she's listening to her music so she can pretend to ignore me and it'll be all good. So I get comfy and lay down and desperately wish I could take off my shirt but ITG is, again, fully clothed with shoes and everything so I figure I can deal for another couple minutes. Which really, is all I can deal with. The heat feels good on my tired muscles but I am warm natured anyway and this is becoming a little too much for me. I stick it out about 4 minutes after ITG's arrival and then I have to bail. My shirt is sticking to my chest and back, which may look good if you belong in a magazine but isn't a good look for me, trust me. Besides I've drained my water and I want some more. So I try to extract myself as un-awkwardly as I can, and pass another magazine-worthy girl about to go in to cook herself. The room-temperature air feels blissfully cool against my skin and I am suddenly more thankful that I am barefoot. Haha. I enjoyed the heat on my muscles and today I feel like it probably did help, but I don't know if it's worth the awkwardness. I really want to try it again tomorrow after Zumba, but if there is more than one other person in there I just don't know if it's worth it.

I'd cut my losses and just get in the hot tub if I had a swim suit that fit, but un/fortunately, I'm fairly certain my one from last summer would fall off of me before consulting me if it was convenient. And the thought of swim suit shopping right now while I'm right between regular and plus size pretty much makes me want to punch someone. Probably an ITG unwarily making things awkward in the sauna.

Luck of the Mexicans?

Had such a good weekend! Ate/drank way more than I should've, but I didn't gain any weight so it's a wash, I guess. Last week(after tuesday's pizza gorge) I was trying this thing where I didn't eat any carbs with my lunch. I think it helped but hard as I try I just can't maintain a low carb lifestyle. Maybe when my sister is home for summer she can help me and we can do it together. I think it's scientifically valid and obviously working for Cynthia but my inner fat kid thinks it's one step too far. Haha. And also I worry bc my family has high cholesterol anyway, what happens if I go on a diet where bacon is more valid than bread? What's more dangerous- high cholesterol or diabetes? Whomp whomp. Haha anyway, I just feel like I need to switch up my diet bc my body has gotten too used to what I've been doing.

I did hardcore legs today, which I haven't done in a while. Did 3 circuits of lunges, crab walks, 30 twists, 20 Jesus sit ups, 30 sec plank. That was with Josh, I only had 30 mins with him today. After that on my own I did 3x12 calf raises, 2 sets of leg presses(they were pretty tired), and 3x15 both hip abduction and adduction. Now this is a great workout by itself, even though I only burned 500 calories(although for 45 mins with no cardio is pretty awesome) but this is the kind that will actually continue to burn calories as my muscles repair themselves. Paired with the cardio I'm gonna do tomorrow and spin class on Wednesday, this is going to have a more lasting impact than just 3 days of the same cardio.

The muscle building is the element of this complete weight overhaul that is the hardest for girls to convince themselves to do I think. Although, I would rather do anything than run. Lol I was reading "women's health" and there was a tidbit in there that your body takes 28 days to get used to a new exercise, so you should switch things up every month or so. I really wanna add another class to my workout routine, but all the ones I would add are on Wednesday mornings. I prefer the mid morning classes because I don't have to get up at the butt crack of dawn, or come back to the gym after dinner. I would never actually go if that's when I planned to go. Not to mention on days that I work during the evening classes. Anyway. The point is, I need a Pilates or kickboxing class that I can go to not at single digit AMs or during/after dinner. Oh well, I'll figure it out. I'm just still at a bit of a weight plateau that I would like to get past.

Marching Towards Progress

Well I finally have a good picture where I look noticeably smaller, so I wanted to share those with you. The first half of this wk was a waste bc I was at job training (my company got bought out so I have to re-learn my job under the new company) so I didn't get to work out and Tuesday I ate so much pizza. Lol anyway so yesterday I went to spin and then worked out hard for another 45 mins so I burned 1412 calories yesterday. I was almost at negative calories for the day until I let myself eat some tagalongs. Lol. I don't feel bad about it tho. =P anyway, let's see if I can show these to you.

This first one is from April 2010, just under 2 yrs ago. This was right before I moved home. The next 6 months from there was the biggest point I've been, although I don't know specifically. I didn't have a scale when I was in school, and fat girls don't like weighing themselves anyway. Lol

This is from March 2011, probably about 10 lbs down from that last picture. This is about 5 months after what I'm considering "before". At this point I had been doing Pilates and was a little more conscious of what I was eating.

And this of course is from this past weekend, March 2012. 25-30 lbs less than the previous picture, although probably down I'm guesstimating 35 lbs of fat less. I put on mostly muscle the summer after that when working out with Will, and stayed roughly the same weight the whole summer, even tho I was very slowly losing inches.

My bf% is still going down, faster than my overall weight, so I just have to stay really focused on the positives and not the very slow moving scale progress. I feel stronger every day, and that mix of weight training/muscle building and cardio/calorie burning is going to be the best formula for success, especially when I can keep my overall calorie consumption at a reasonable level.

Bye Bye Miss American Thigh

Traveling for work has been nuts! But I'm home this week and so is my sister for spring break. I'm proud of her, she's lost like 10 lbs since the beginning of the semester. =) we've been doing some of her paleo diet, which is essentially an Atkins-ish diet that has some science behind it. If I knew how to do links I'd give you a few, but you can go search "paleo diet" and I'm sure you'll find lots of interesting stuff. Anyway, Monday and Tuesday I followed her diet, yesterday not so much. Lol. And tonight we're going to have another paleo recipe- carb free pizza. The crust is going to be made out of cauliflower, eggs and cheese. I'm excited to give this a try. The mashed cauliflower I made Tuesday was pretty delicious. But I did make them "loaded" with cheese and bacon to make them more dad-friendly. Lol. Anything is good with cheese and bacon, you don't even need your inner fat kid to tell you that.

Oh I meant to tell y'all, I made Josh re-do my measurements last week and they came out much better. Overall I'm down -1.75 inches from the last measurements. I'm up in the neck, chest, shoulders and calves, I'm exactly the same in the waist and I'm down in arms and thighs. I'd actually lost an inch and a half each in my thighs which made me pretty determined to keep going to spin class. Which is why yesterday I went to 2 classes in a row. "why would you do that?" because I'm crazy apparently. I was so worn out. AND I forgot to wear my heart monitor so idk how many calories I burned. I'm guesstimating somewhere between 1,000 and 1,200. I did the Pilates class with Cynthia for an hour before I did an hour of spin. Luckily in spin 2 of my friends were there so we were all in a row cutting up keeping eachother going. The music Nichole picked also helped a lot. I mean between usher and drake how could I stop? Lol. But the hardest part was the climb set to "American Pie". Aka it lasted as long as the song. I thought I was gonna die! An 8 minute climb?! Usually they're not even half that long. But hey, I did it and I lived to tell the tale.

After all that craziness yesterday I ate (lean cuisine steamed asiago tortellini. Find it! It was amazing!!) and passed out before I went shopping with my sister and 2 of my chronically skinny friends. The long-standing plan was for them to teach me to shop as the skinny do, but since I'm still a solid 16 I was a little apprehensive. So we went to about 3 different department stores and we couldn't find ANYTHING. They were more discouraged than I was, because that is what I'm used to. I told them this is why I've never shopped at department stores, because I tried it once when I was a teenager and decided it wasn't worth the time and hassle and heartache. So after we gave up on that angle I took them to Ross and showed them how I usually do it. "it's ok, we're gonna go in there, I'm gonna find 2-3 dresses that I actually like that are actually in my price range, and then I'll pick the best one. It'll take like 15 minutes." Apparently this boggled their skinny girl minds, because this is exactly how it went down and they seemed shocked. Lol. So I found a cute dress for the wedding this weekend and if I can figure out how I'll post some before/during pics next week.

Scale say whaat?

Hey guys! I am happy to report that I worked out Friday morning at the hotel. Haha =) the weather has been BEAUTIFUL lately. =) so Sunday instead of going to the gym I did like 2-3 hrs of yard work. Mostly weeding and sawing. My hamstrings are STILL a little sore. And they will be tomorrow, too, because I went to spin class this morning bc I finally had the day off. =) well, I did get to work out yesterday before work, and there's an interesting story there.

So yesterday when I went to the gym, it was peak morning time (which I HATE) so I couldn't get on the row of ellipticals that I usually do. So I get on one of the other ones that has completely different programs and I fool with it trying to find one like the one I usually use (calorie burner). I finally found something inferior but similar to what I'm used to doing, picked a random level and took off. Well it was a lower resistance level than I'm used to because I ran a mile in 10:30 which I'm fairly certain I have never done in my LIFE. I was looking at this display telling me I was running 6 mph and thinking "I think this means I should up the resistance...but I don't want to..." lol after I finished the mile I upped it and found my much more familiar 5 mph pace but I was really excited for myself. Haha.

So one of the things about getting in shape is that you have to constantly play mind games with yourself. Well, at least I do, but maybe I'm crazy. Or maybe it's because I'm a girl. But those are mostly the same, let's be honest. Haha. Anyway, today before spin, we re-did my measurements. I was pretty excited bc even though outwardly there wasn't a whole lot of difference from a month ago, my muscles were slightly more prominent, especially in my legs, so i knew my bf%(how much of my fatness is actually fat) had to be lower. So Carlos is measuring me and all of them are coming out larger and I'm starting to FREAK. OUT. Like I told y'all, I had actually gained weight the last couple of weeks but then I started losing it again so that usually indicates increase in muscle. I wasn't TOO concerned. Today I was +1 pound but then I started being +1...2..4 inches. And the self doubt and internal argument and freaking out began. "wtf is happening?!" "calm down crazy, it's muscle" "but my neck is bigger!! Why is my neck bigger?!" "I dunno, why is it?" "omg I'm such a fat failure!!" etcetcetc. Lol. Don't worry, I didn't have a meltdown in the gym. Very male Carlos saved the body fat % to last so my very female brain was stopped just short of that meltdown.

The good news is that I'm actually down 6 lbs in fat (finally under the triple digit mark, actually) and up 7 lbs in muscle. Soooo that means I'm 19 lbs lighter than I was in October, but I've lost 25 lbs of fat since then. =) I wish I had my starting fat % from a year and a half ago. It's probably close to like 50%. I feel so much stronger than that point. And I'm aiming for 18% body fat, FYI, which is considered healthy. Carlos said I should be ultimately aiming for 12% "lean toned". Lol. we'll see how long it takes me to get to "healthy" before I start thinking about having a movie star body. Right now I'll be happy when this summer I'm down to a large instead of a 2x.

So that's where I am right now. Today's been pretty good. I came home and scrambled some eggs in some semblance of a huevos-rancheros-turkey-omelette-bowl thing. Whatever. It tasted good and it was protein packed. I felt like actually eating my protein instead of drinking it. Haha. Although I did get some protein samples I'm excited to try in a care package from one of my pledge sisters. =D I've decided it's my first official piece of "fan mail". Lol. The main thing I wanted to cover in this post was that it may look on the scale like a plateau, and maybe in your clothes, but if it's muscle gain at the same time as fat loss, it will not FEEL like a plateau. My resting heart rate is down, my endurance is up, and I'm stronger than I was. Who cares what the scale says? (well, I still do...a little)

PS: go google image "5 lbs of fat". Right now.

Ok don't be mad...

Soooo I've slept in my own bed once in the past week, sorry I haven't blogged like I promised. But hey doesn't every blogger have to apologize for not blogging? So we all knew this was coming. Lol. Anyway, all of my working out of town has brought on lots of thoughts about just how freaking hard it is to be healthy when on the road and how bad I am at it. I'm doing my measurements again next week and I feel like I've totally dropped the ball.

First, I specifically got a hotel that had a fridge and a fitness center. Even when I looked at the pictures all it was was a busted looking bowflex and a treadmill, it was still better than nothing. Well I get here and it has NO fridge but a nice treadmill, elliptical and bike. So I can't go out and buy groceries like I wanted to but I can work out. Too bad I haven't yet- yesterday I had a valid excuse, today I was just lazy. Lol. But then I realized I was redoing my measurements next week and I need to keep my rear in gear and just go work out. It's not like I can cram for this kind of test, but I can undo my work very quickly with lots of bad food and lots of not working out. And my schedule this wk is just not conducive to being healthy. Especially because I'm working in a small town where the only fast food is sonic and the gas station. I'm sad to sad to report that I've had pizza for lunch the last 2 days.

But really, when you're broke an you can get 2 pieces of pizza for $2 or a grilled chicken sandwich for $6... It's kind of hard to convince the fat kid inside that the sandwich is a better choice. OMG speaking of sonic, can we talk about their newest addition to the menu? They sweet potato tots!! Which sounds amazing except that they're $3+. As in you could get a chicken finger sandwich, regular tots, and a happy hour drink for what they're charging for the [slightly] healthier option. This is just one really frustrating example of why it's so hard to be healthy on the road. I mean this isn't a new phenomenon; better ingredients are more expensive, healthy things are also unfortunately less in demand so combine these 2 things and you usually get significantly more expensive healthy options. Let's do a little comparing with everyone's favorite fast food punching bag- macdonalds.

99c McDouble= 390 calories
99c McChicken= 380 calories
Grilled chicken snack wrap= 270 calories

Now those are all smaller sized items. I can't find the prices online so this isn't going to work out how I wanted it to. Lol. Anyway, you all know what I'm talking about. This is why last week I asked for healthy options from fast food restaurants bc I knew I'd be on the road a lot.

And now I'm gonna do something that you're all probably going to hate me for. I'm going to enlighten you on specific choices that I used to make and ones I make now. Let's go back to sonic for a bit, bc you know I'm not the only one obsessed with tots. My old favorite to order was the bacon cheeseburger toaster combo. Large tots, large cherry limeade. [oh yes, I'm going here]. Calories in that? 870 + 330 + 220 = 1420 calories. What I order now? Grilled chicken wrap, small tots, Large DIET cherry limeade. 320 + 130 + 20 = 470 calories. Y'all. That's almost a THOUSAND calories difference. Ok this is the one you're really not gonna like, but I have to do it. *grits teeth* I've only been to Raising Cane's twice in the last year since I got this app. You know why? Oh, you know. Box combo, no slaw, extra toast. Ready for this? 1039 calories! that's not even counting sweet tea and each extra cane's sauce is 173 calories!! And there's no substituting at canes. Lol It would take me a spin class PLUS a weights set 3(3x15) to burn off a box combo. Add on the tea and an extra sauce and you're probably looking at another 3(3x15) ab set. That's a lot of work for fried chicken.

Ok guys I apologize, that was ugly but I had to do it. I just wanted to show you what this new awareness has done to/for me. Most places its a matter of just getting the smaller size or not getting sauce or holding the cheese or getting a wrap instead of a sandwich. [fun fact, 2 corn tortillas have about as many calories as one slice of bread] and if the choices don't allow for much difference I always try to get the better ingredient. Like wheat over white or brown rice instead of white rice. I think of it as getting better blocks to build with. If they cost the same, get the better one. Although I guess in a way it's like gas quality and prices. The cheap gas does the trick but the expensive gas makes your car run better. Supposedly. Unlike eating healthy, who ever buys the premium gas?

Tour de Pants

Y'all.... I am so proud of myself. I got myself out of bed, somehow, and went to a spin class BY MYSELF. As in I knew that I wouldn't know anyone there- not even the instructor. This is a new level of dedication for me. Lol this is my 3rd week to go to spin class and I'm really enjoying them. They are getting progressively easier(read:less excrutiating) to get through. Today was a different instructor so I can't tell how much of that was different styles or increase in stamina. I'm gonna say it was both. =) I don't have a whole lot to talk about, just some observations and thoughts I'd like to share since you seem to be interested. Haha.

So remember last time when I told you not to compare yourself to other people in terms of pace? Well spin class is a really good example of that. If you've never been crazy enough to go to a spin cycling class, let me briefly overview. You walk in and see a wide variety of people. You've got the girl in her I-live-here matching outfit, the person in the bike shorts and cycling shoes with legs that have more muscles showing than should be humanly possible, then you have the person who is probably like you- normal looking. So you choose the bike furthest from the mirrors that you can still see the instructor and you notice about 5 different ways to adjust things. Luckily you have a good instructor that takes pity on you and shows you how to adjust the bike so you don't kill your knees or your back. You find that you're not gonna make an easy get away if you wimp out bc your shoes are now strapped in for maximum safety. So you start cycling as you're on your 2nd and 3rd thoughts about giving this a try and class finally starts. For the next hour you have a very enthusiastic instructor telling you exactly where and how much it should be hurting if you're doing it right. 15 mins in you start planning you escape to see exactly how awkward it would be... Gym mascot mom might judge you, but rippling legs probably wont have hard feelings. But after 30 mins you realize you just MIGHT be able to do this. You may not be merely glistening like the pros, but you're still peddling. It's all downhill from there. Well, probably not. You probably have to do at least one more climb at at least an 85% resistance before you can peel yourself off of your bike seat and stretch your tired muscles. You assess the damage and realize that despite waddling everywhere for the next day or two, you're actually invigorated. You just did cardio for an HOUR. How awesome is that?

Pretty awesome. Which is why I'm considering going back tomorrow. But I'm concerned it'll have me limping this wknd and that's not ok. Lol. I'm not ashamed to say I definitely wore 2 pairs of underwear the last 2 times and that seems to help a lot. Haha. I'm working out of town this wk so my afternoon training isn't an option and I need to keep up my calorie burning. I'm actually kinda frustrated bc I've been the same weight for the last 2 wks even though I've been working out A LOT and eating pretty well. It's probably just muscle gain bc I feel like I can see a difference in my legs for sure, but it's still annoying. Just one of those plateaus I've gotta grit my teeth and get thru.

So yeah, soccer calves are making their return! Minus that creepy muscle right below my knee that soccer players always have. Haha. Let's talk about something else annoying. My clown pants. Lol now I'm really glad that I've lost all this weight, but the downside is that NONE OF MY CLOTHES FIT. Everytime I do laundry now I'm like taking a census of what's ok to wear and what's just so big that I can't get away with it anymore. I'm afraid one of my customers is going to tell me to watch what not to wear so I can learn how clothes are supposed to fit. I just need to bite the bullet and buy a couple more pairs of work pants that don't make it so painfully obvious that I used to be so much bigger. I just dont want to waste money on clothes that aren't going to fit me in a couple months. I think I'll just go to goodwill. Or do I have any friends that have 16/18 dress pants that are too big for them now? We should organize a clothes swap. Haha. How awesome would that be? Almost as awesome as burning 900 calories in an hour.

What else? It's HARD to be healthy. And expensive. I'd much rather have a 99cent cheeseburger than grilled chicken whatever. You know what's good tho? The grilled chicken wrap at sonic. If you have good healthy finds at fast food places, you should leave them in the comments!!

A Typical Day at the Gym

Man these dreary days are sooooo hard on your motivation. I actually managed to go to the gym TWICE today, but I still couldn't get myself to do any cardio. Haha. But since a lot of you have asked what I DO at that awful/wonderful place, I will attempt to de-mystify my trips to the gym. Today was a little atypical so I'll tell you what I generally do, first.

So generally I plan on being there for about an hour if I'm just working out by myself. I've found it's better/easier to start with cardio because you're fresh so you work harder, and once you get the adrenaline going its easier to convince yourself to keep going. So I'll do at least 10 mins on the stair master, and then at least 20 mins on the elliptical. I do the "speed intervals" on the stair master and "calorie burner" on the elliptical. Then I'll focus on a certain muscle group/body part and do 3 sets of 12-15 reps. Usually I'll try to alternate one set with a set of abs. So, if I am working my back; I'll do 12 repititions of the incline row, 15 half crunches, and then do that 2 more times. I usually try to do at least 3 different machines. I never do free weights unsupervised just because I'm not comfortable enough with them without professional guidance. Haha. Anyway, depending on how I'm feeling, I'll go to the little section with the mats and do another 3x15x3 of abs. Some days I'm super motivated and sometimes I feel I've done enough. Like if I flaked out on the elliptical I'll make myself kick my butt on the ab mat.

"uuuuuuhh... How am I supposed to figure out what the machines DO? And then how do I do it?" I admit some of those look more like torture devices than a vehicle of self improvement, but they usually have labels that explain how to use them and which muscles they target. The ones at my gym have a man that has the muscles highlighted red to show which are used, and then has the names listed underneath. Some machines even have "primary" and "secondary" muscles listed. My gym has the machines all grouped together by which muscles they use which was really helpful when I started. I wanted to do shoulders but didn't know what to do so I asked(novel concept, right?) and Nichole told me to go to the left half of the second row and anything there would work my shoulders. Don't be afraid of looking stupid, because despite what they might try to make you believe, or is easy to convince yourself, even the most buff guy in there didn't just walk into a gym for the first time and know how to do and use EVERYTHING. I mean I've been a member for 4 months now and there are still machines I haven't tried. Some because I already have a few that I really like for that muscle group, some because they look boring and even some that still look scary or I KNOW are out of my league. There are some that I've tried once and said "ummm....no." Again, it comes down to self awareness. Know what your abilities are, but always push yourself forward. Go for 10 reps when you've been doing 8, or try that machine that you saw a girl using last time who looked like she was on your level. There's a difference between observing and noting those around you and gauging their ability in relation to yours, and then comparing yourself to someone and being discouraged when you're not as fit as them. Everyone has to go at their own pace.

Anyway, off my soapbox...where was I? During my training sessions, we usually target a muscle group and do a variety of things to work that area. With Nichole usually we do a lot of very targeted exercises using a mix of machines, dumbells/free weights and weightless exercises[squats, etc]. With Josh We do less weights and more weightless stuff. Like I mentioned before, "weightless legs" is trainer speak for you-will-hate-your-life exercises. We also box which is such a good arm workout and is also really good cardio. I really love personal training. It's slightly masochistic but I'm always excited for them and they usually kick my butt so hard. It's really nice not having to decide for yourself what to do, and having a coach to motivate you.

Today I actually had a training session with Nichole, and then I went back for one later in the day bc I was going to try to squeeze in with Josh but I ended up not eing able to. I ended up just working back and abs, solo. So I actually did legs in the morning and then back in the afternoon which is really strange for me. I also started my afternoon workout with abs, which was also weird. But I was being lazy and indecisive so I just did abs until I could make up my mind what I wanted to do. I just made myself DO something and then I got in the groove and got motivated. ...but not enough to walk my butt upstairs and get on an elliptical. Lol My work schedule changed so I can't train tomorrow like I wanted to so I basically just fit 2 days of weights into 1 day and I'll just do all cardio the rest of the week bc I'll be busy.

2 other things that I feel are really important to an effective gym session: water and music. I always drink at least a big glass of water before I work out and a full bottle during my workout. Make sure you stay hydrated!!! Also, I definitely recommend setting up a playlist or pandora station to listen to during your workout. My "gasolina" radio station on pandora has gotten me thru lots of tough spots during cardio. Nothing to pump you up like Latin beats and booty-shaking rap songs from the 2000s.

Compliments and Supplements

First off, I just really want to thank everyone for all the wonderful feedback! It really makes my day when I get a message or a comment about other people's successes and motivations. Let's keep inspiring one another! Shout outs to my old friends from the kimberlin/Austin/gtown days: Matt and Brandon! They both sent me really inspiring messages about their own significant losses. And of course all my wonderful sisters!! Keep it up guys!! =D

Ok so today I've had requests to talk about my diet and what I generally eat. I also want to talk about a few supplements I take to help me out. First and foremost I want to stress protein. "um, are you a big man?" "mmmm chalky" "uhhh like beef?" these are all attitudes I used to have about taking protein as a supplement. Will would make his protein shake and I would wrinkle my nose. But finally I came around, when everyone who was supposed to know what they were talking about kept recommending it. Really what sold me on it was remembering what I learned in structure and functions, and talking to the ex-biochemist at the sports nutrition store. If you're gonna be using your muscles, they're gonna need protein to at least stay the same size, and they're gonna need MORE if you want them to get bigger. And the more muscle you have the more fat your body burns to fuel them. Do you know that when your muscles repair themselves you're actually BURNING CALORIES IN YOUR SLEEP?! Now that's an idea I can get behind. Lol

Seriously though: Iso proteins. They're just pure protein, no fillers and other stuff. Right now I'm using the iso-100 mixed berry. I was using the "gourmet chocolate" but I needed a change. They're both pretty tasty, especially now that I discovered lactose-free milk. Lol. Did you know too much soy can make you retain water? It can also make you overly-emotional but that's neither here nor there. Lol. Anyway, yes. Protein. Carlos said 2 shakes a day, the guy at the store recommended 3, I usually drink 1 after I work out and that's it unless I'm sore and then I know my muscles need it so I drink more of it. Haha.

Another thing I wrinkled my nose at was Will's pre-workout drink. I read the label and it said "not for women who are nursing, pregnant, or thinking about becoming pregnant". Ok I'm sorry, I'm none of those things, but as a woman: that is always a red flag. So I blew off pre-workout drinks as another "muscley guy thing" and ignored it. Well, now it turns out I'm recommending one to you. Lol. I actually am taking a fat burner. The bottle says twice a day, I only take it once about 30 mins before I work out, but usually not on days that I don't. One of the reasons is, it's usually mostly caffeine and legal crack, so if you don't work it out of your system, you're never gonna get to sleep. If you are a girl, be careful if you want to try these! A lot of them have something in them that isnt good for us or has lots of testosterone in it. I recommend triple checking the labels and talking to someone who knows what they're talking about before you try it. Now that I've scared you, i'll mention that it also tastes awful, lol. Mine is just a pill but it's still kinda yucky. But I like how much energy it gives me and I feel like its working so I'm still taking it. The one I take is "ripped juice" I don't use it all the time because again, the label is still kinda scary, even though I was assured by the biochemist turned health nut that it was safe for women and, more specifically, me. Lol

Ok...man-like supplements, check. I also take a multivitamin when I remember too. Lol. This is another thing "if it doesn't suck you're not doing it right". Vitamins taste SO gross. Haha. But now let's focus on the natural source of protein, energy and vitamins: food. On a normal day, my lunch is usually far healthier than my dinner. Mostly because I usually share dinner with someone else and I don't want to subject them to something boring, but also because I get tired of the same stuff if I eat it too much. This week for lunch I've had: progresso Italian style meatball soup, a burger, and a turkey sandwich. The last 2 were on 100% whole wheat bagel thins. These are awesome because not only are they thinner, they're also slightly smaller than a normal piece of bread. So my 2 pieces of turkey looks a lot more satisfying on those than on bread. Today I also had an apple and a yoplait light yogurt. So today my lunch was about 450 calories. Another strategy of tricking your inner fat-kid: smaller plates and multiple trips. I put my sandwich on a small plate instead of a normal sized one. And then I went BACK for the apple, and then I went BACK for the yogurt. I knew all along that's what I was gonna eat, but if you put it all on one big plate, it looks pathetic. Going back for "seconds" or even "thirds" keeps your fat kid happy. And who wants room-temp yogurt anyway? Also slicing up your apple may be another way to trick yourself into thinking you're eating more, but I'm lazy and I like eating it off the core.

For dinner, my mentality is I'll do what I can with what I'm given. If my family is having speghetti, small portions and no bread for me. If we're having something calorie-friendly like grilled chicken and steamed veggies? Load up. I also recently discovered no sugar added blue bell. So if I have enough calories left, I'm going for it. Lol Another ice cream trick: serve it in a coffee mug instead of a bowl, and eat with a tea spoon instead of a regular spoon. Again, it's all about playing mind games with yourself. Lol smaller portion in the same size bowl is going to leave you feeling unsatisfied. Smaller portion in a smaller container with a smaller utensil? Satisfaction. Monday I went to Sara's for dinner and we had talapia, asparagus and couscous. Her family is so good at eating healthy, I'm learning calorie-cutting tricks from her all the time. Yesterday? Chili with my friend Patrick. I was 200 under my calorie goal even afterwards, so I didn't let myself feel bad about it. Tonight I have no idea what I'm eating. But I had spin class today, then I worked out for 30 more minutes and burned 1263 calories altogether, so theoretically I could eat whatever I wanted pretty much. I think I'll stick to trying to eat healthy and have a mug of [sugar free] bluebell for desert. Gotta keep that fat kid happy, or she'll make life a lot harder than it has to be.

[note: yes, I'm lactose intolerant, and yes I'm talking about my obsession with blue bell. I take lactaid pills with it so it's ok. Lol]

Victories of All Sizes

I have so many things I want to tell y'all! I didn't know what today's post was gonna be about til I was on my way home from the gym. Today I want to talk about victories and setbacks and how I classify and handle them. This was spurred by a victory I had today: I jogged on the elliptical for 5 minutes without breaking a sweat. I remember times [not too terribly long ago] that I couldn't jog for 5 minutes straight, or it would've had me breathing like that rhino at the end of the stampede in Jumanji. So needless to say, today was a great day for me.

Especially considering I ate like CRAP this wknd. Belated birthday celebrations and superbowl snacks are not conducive to eating healthy/staying under your calorie goal. But instead of dwelling on the fact that for 2 days in a row I ate like "old Marissa", I just made myself work that much harder today. Josh's schedule got pushed back so I actually was on the elliptical for 20 minutes before he kicked my ass for an hour. And I survived, like a champ. This is another reason why today is very victorious, especially in the shadow of the weekend of deliciously awful food/drinks. Lol.

It's really all about celebrating your victories no matter how trivial they might seem. That's how you keep yourself going. My victories at the beginning that were huge to me are now common occurances. Again, it's about being self contained and not trying to compare yourself to everyone else. That may work for some people, but I know for the majority of women, that's gonna be a recipe for sweat pants that never see sweat and always see couch. And also letting what you COULD consider failures fuel you as motivation to do better next time.

So just START! Be self aware. "Today I will not eat anything fried" "I climbed the stairs without breathing harder" whatever your starting point is, just start. Set goals, big and small. Long and short term. It's kinda like when you add something to your to-do list that you've already done just so you can scratch it off. Think of something you can already do, congratulate yourself, and take it a step further. So you can already climb the stairs with no difficulty? Great! Try running up them or see if you can walk 2 flights. These are the kind of baby steps you HAVE to take to keep yourself motivated. At least for me, if I'm achieving something every couple days, I can only keep improving, right?

This is how I've dropped 40 lbs and 32< inches. And guys, I'm on a roll. Suddenly stealing my sisters size 12 shorts is no longer a day dream but a GOAL. One I'm on track to achieve by this summer, if I can keep up the intensity. And if I can't? I'm still 3-4 sizes smaller than I was. My size 24s from 2 summers ago look like clown pants on me now. A couple weeks ago I bought a size 16 jacket and I did a little dance in the dressing room(and I don't care that you know it)! So what that I ate a crap-ton this weekend? I burned 1111 calories today and I "ran" a mile and a half in less than 20 minutes without breathing like a rhino. I am my successes, not my failures.

If It Doesn't Suck, You're Not Doing It Right.

Just got a belated birthday pedicure, and was reading the "half their size" issue of people while my nails dried. That's gonna be me, y'all. How? Because I have a great support system. Besides my living-inspiration-success-story better half, I have the amazing staff at my gym. So if God hasn't sent you the answer to all your prayers, I would suggest a personal trainer. aka go out and answer them yourself. Lol

I hope nobody from Sallie Mae reads this, because I'm not gonna lie, training can get pricey. Not like, car payment pricey, but more than I thought I'd be spending. If you think about it though, it's a lot less than you'd be paying for diabetes meds and heart surgery later, so preventative medicine it is! Lol besides Sallie Mae, I'd rather be around to pay you back.

Anyway, I've been keeping this all generic because the specifics haven't been important, it's the overall mindset and determination that has been the key to my success this far. But I have to tell you about the three greatest trainers of all time: Carlos, Nichole, and Josh. Carlos is the head trainer, the one in charge of your initial assessment and keeps tabs of your program and such. So we sat down and set initial goals, long and short. I told him honestly, I would be happy if I was under x amount on the scale. "that's all?" ...that's all?! It's like almost a 90 lb loss from where I started!! I was so taken aback I was like "well yeah sure it'd be great to be the healthy weight for my height. What is that like 125?" to me, aiming for 125 was like aiming for the moon. This man was obviously crazy. He explained that with a lot of hard work on my part, we could get there in about 14 months. So I decided he must know what he's talking about, he's the one in charge and he obviously LOOKS like he knows how to make people look good. I'll smile and nod and see what else he had to say.

After my initial fitness assessment I was slightly more optimistic. I was out of shape, obviously, but I wasn't as bad off as most people at my body fat percentage. We took my starting measurements and it was hard to look at those numbers, knowing that they were still so high even after my losses thus far. But I was DOING something about it. I hate not being able to do anything, and this was the apex of doing something. Lol. I trained with a couple trainers and right away really liked Nichole. She reminded me of half a dozen of my old teammates in different ways and she was just good! Like when you hear music you're unfamiliar with and you're like "I don't really get it but I know that person is talented". Haha. Our sessions were great, and I felt both great and like death afterwards. Of course she was so good it was hard to get a time with her when my work schedule was so nuts. So I was going to try some different ones. On Halloween I was setting up some more appointments and one of the trainers was running around being crazy and I thought to myself "how fun would it be to train with that guy?"

Turns out, fun but awful. Lol. My first session with Josh I told him I wanted to work out my legs. I had been doing the weights by myself but I felt like I needed a pro to tell me what to do. He asked if I wanted to do "chill legs or hard legs". Well, hard, of course. He said "oookay" In that way that means you're going to regret the decision you just made. Oh, but I did. Haha ok not really, but he had me doing "weightless legs" which is code for "all of those awful things you had to do at soccer practice as punishment". I was both pissed off and deeply impressed. Haha. It's funny how so much about getting in shape can have you feeling 2 things at once. I like to think of it as "old me" and "new me". Old me was completely pissed and wanted to punch this jerk in the face. New me was stoked and wanted to make him my new best friend. I settled for trying not to whine and asking for his next available appt time. Haha

These 3 have been instrumental to my success for the last 4ish months. They push me when I don't think I've got anything left and I prove to both of us that I can do it. Nichole is my guru on weights and kicking my butt in a small group setting; Josh is the master of making me hate my life and thank him for it. And Carlos is the best cheerleader any fat girl could ask for.

My biggest epiphany yet was after my first round of measurements in December. I exceeded my expectations and those 3 seemed genuinely surprised and proud of how much I had lost. On the scale I had only lost 6 lbs, but really it was 10 lbs of fat and 22 inches. My hard work had me visably smaller. Shortly after that I had the realization that I never had to be that size again. Everyday for the foreseeable future I could wake up and look in the mirror and think "I will never be this big again". Like, think about that for a second. All my life I've been the fat kid and now I could truthfully, and with faith say "never again". This was like the most mind-blowing thing to me. I'm not saving my fat pants "just in case", I'm throwing them out because there is no going back.

That Place of Dreams and Nightmares: The Gym

I just did a spin class for the first time this morning. Only the extreme sense of accomplishment is keeping me from swearing I'll never do it again. I burned close to 900 calories in an hr. I'm still at negative 350 calories for the day even with extra cheese on my lunch. Lol. Anyway, this is perfect bc I really wanted this post to be about the gym, and most people's attitudes about it.

One of the reasons I never asked to go work out with Will is because I didn't want to go into the gym. He looked like the poster child for any gym in America and I looked like the poster child for a insulin pump. Lol. Seriously though, the LAST thing a fat girl wants to do is put on shorts and go sweat infront of a bunch of skinny people. When I finally went, I just had to get over it. Put in my earphones, block out the rest of the world, and focus on what I was doing. Going with Will was like getting passes backstage, in a way. I got to see what he did to get the way he was.

I started out doing weights like he was, but a Mexican woman and a Black man have completely different bodies, so needless to say I wasn't making the great strides that he had. I was still losing slowly but surely and I was feeling stronger and better so I kept it up. I added cardio and started to see and feel a bigger difference. Weight wise I wasn't really making a whole lot of progress but as you know, muscle weighs more than fat, and I wasn't too concerned.

When Will left for bootcamp I promised I would keep working out on my own and in 8 weeks when we saw eachother again we were both going to be measurably thinner. Well back in April I had gotten a new job and it had me traveling and busy and it was another month before I managed to join the gym by my house. I had put back on 5 pounds in that time, but I was still about 20 lbs lighter than the year before. It was about a year since my starting point when I finally threw out all the excuses and got my smaller-but-still-big butt into the gym.

It helped a lot, mostly unconsciously I'd guess, that the gym looked almost EXACTLY like the one I'd been in for months with Will. The guy who signed me up was even in the navy and we talked about that and I felt strangely comfortable. Now, let me tell you, it was still super intimidating because it was mostly skinny people, but I wasn't the only one there because they were trying to better themselves, not by a long shot. And even at closer look those thin and muscular people were still sweating and breathing hard on their chosen machines. I could do this.

I started going as much as work would allow, and you know what? It SUCKED! A lot. But it was also the best feeling when you were done and knew that by your own will power and determination, you just burned off x amount of calories and were on track to lose x amount of fat. You by your power are changing your life. And THAT, my friends, is worth every minute of feeling gross and sweaty and being sore. Which is why I am actually about to go back to the gym for my training session. I'm probably crazy, but I'll talk about personal training next time. Until then, keep up the positive thinking! You guys are great =)

Let's Talk About Food

I think it was around April '11 when my sister told me about this app that would count your calories and tell you how many to eat(or not) to meet your weight loss goals. I downloaded it and had yet another minor epiphany about this whole being-healthy-and-losing-weight thing. It's called myfitnesspal and you should download it/go to myfitnesspal.com if you have ever thought about keeping a food diary. 

First of all, I really appreciated that it kept track of my progress, short term and long term goals. Also, when I worked out, I could put in how many minutes I did what and it would tell me (approximately) how many calories I burned. But what spurred the epiphany was actually keeping track of what I was eating and being aware of where my calories were coming from. Also, when I would put in my work outs, I would see how much foods "cost" me in comparison. For example, one donut is about 12 minutes on the elliptical.  Now, if I'm only planning on being on the elliptical for 20 minutes, it would take OVER HALF of that to burn off one measly donut.  

This was insane to me! I mean, theoretically I knew how much work it took to burn calories, we all did that lab in high school where we had to burn food to heat up water or whatever it was. So, becoming more conscious of what I ate was mostly a matter of still being a bit lazy. You know? "I'm not gonna eat those potato chips because I will have to run an extra 10 minutes just to burn that off". Or maybe just my experience in weighing options of what to spend money on, now I was deciding how many calories I had to spend and where I wanted to spend them. 

The real key to this is to know yourself, and be honest about what your limits are. If you're only setting yourself up for failure, then you will be discouraged and, well, fail. I know that I like to eat, and I like sweet things. So, I found ways to prevent failure. My 2 main things were chocolate soy milk and apples. "Man, I really want chocolate" Oh here's a 90 calorie glass of chocolate that also happens to have calcium and lots of good-for-you stuff in it. "I really want something sweet" Eat an apple. There's something strangely satisfying about crunching into an apple.

Lets be real: if you are a fat kid, you like to eat. So putting yourself on a 1,200 calorie restriction and doing meal replacement right out of the gate is PROBABLY not going to work, unless you just have insane will power. And if you did, then you probably wouldn't be a fat kid to start with. But letting yourself eat a huge piece of grilled chicken and lots of broccoli and feel FULL, and then realize you only ate about 250 calories...now THAT could be successful. Because lets be honest, eating a lot is probably one of the reasons you're where you're at to start with. Eventually eating less is going to be the goal, but you have to learn/realize what to eat first.This is how I taught myself how to eat. I still eat out, but I usually work out on days that I do, and I feel like I've earned it. And calorie-wise I have. 

Another great thing about that app is that when you're done for the day and hit "complete", it will tell you what you would weigh in 5 weeks "if every day were like today". It's just an approximation based on your calorie intake, but it's just another level of motivation to see that mathematically(which is the most convincing way, right? lol) if you did as well every day as you did today, you'd be 10 lbs lighter in a month. Then you click "progress" and log your losses and you get to see that graph keep dipping down as time goes on, now THAT is totally worth eating an apple instead of a "normal" dessert. 

Baby You Can Be My Motivation

After a few months and 15 pounds, I was feeling pretty good. The pilates took my curves(read:rolls) and turned it into a true hour glass that I could be proud of and was noticeable. My 24th birthday(a year ago today) rolled around and I was happy that all of my friends commented on my new and improved figure. My work in college on learning how to accept a compliment was tested on a physical level and passed. [mostly unrelated to my weight, I think, it has always been hard for me to accept compliments gracefully.] this positive experience only boosted my drive, and generally prepared me for the next destination in this adventure.

Now I guess I should take a second and explain a bit for those who don't know. At this point I had also been on an online dating site for close to a year. I joined because I didnt know how else to meet single, attractive, successful, straight men. Now if you haven't tried it you can laugh all you want, but working in a women's clothing store wasnt exactly a good place to meet bachelors. Anyway, I had gone on several dates, talked to LOTS of guys, and nothing had really worked out. I wasn't exactly giving up, but I was starting to think maybe all these computer engineers and grad students weren't what I needed. I was messaging a couple different guys, when one of them really started to interest me. So, I gave him my phone number after a week, which was completely out of my pattern and decided "what the hell, I'll invite him out with me and my friends". He seemed normal even if he wasn't quite my norm, he was super hot, and what did I have to lose? Well, as you may have already guessed, absolutely nothing. He is now my boyfriend of 11 months and the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Think I'm being a mushy girl? Let me explain. After we started dating I found out that he used to be 60ish lbs heavier and 4 sizes bigger. He was a living embodiment of my ultimate goal: From cute and cuddly to stone cold sexy. It was as if God said "ok, I see you have done what you can for yourself, let me give you your reward in the form of everything you ever needed in a partner". Will was EXACTLY what I needed at exactly the right time. Instead of becoming complacent with where I was, I had living proof that eating right and hard work could transform you into whatever you were willing to work toward.

The best part was that apart from being completely supportive, he was completely apathetic. For any male readers let me explain: the worst thing a guy could do is comment on your health or eating habits in any way that could be construed as "you need to lose weight". Will already liked me for who I was, so I was free to push myself to be better without any sort of pressure from him. This was amazing to me. How easy would it have been for him to push me like he was still pushing himself? Apparently it never crossed his mind.

It was actually close to 3 months before we actually started working out together. This may sound strange but he never offered and I never asked. Probably something to do with how disgusting I always felt after I worked out and I didn't want my boyfriend to see me like that. Finally one day we finally worked out together, and it was another beautiful beginning. We motivated eachother and pushed each other to do more. I actually started to look forward to working out, instead of being another chore on my to-do list. It brought us closer and propelled us each through another plateau. I discovered that one of the best motivators can be a work out buddy to keep you accountable.

A new beginning

Let's give this a whirl, huh? This will just generally be my adventures in weight loss, I guess you could say. I posted my progress on my status and got such a huge response that I figured SOMEONE might find my experiences informational, inspirational, or maybe entertaining. So, i guess let's start at the beginning.

I've been overweight since kids were old enough to start noticing these things. It wasn't like I was exceptionally lazy- I played soccer when most kids were watching cartoons. I was always trying something new; karate, skating, I even took a drill team dance class when I was 10. I just thought it was something someone was, like some kids had freckles or glasses or were tall. As I got older I would try to eat healthier with no real results. Even as a freshman in high school playing soccer every day, 2-5 hours a day, I was STILL incredibly overweight. At some point soon after that I accepted it. Embraced it. I was a curvy Latina, and screw anyone who couldn't handle that. This mentality served me well and I survived high school and college emotionally unscathed.

In my "adult life" this attitude only served me further, and I started working at a clothing store that specialized in plus sized women's cloathing. It was here that I started seeing the many possible futures ahead of me in all the different women coming in the store. The ones that were basically like me, overweight but accepting it and trying to make it work for her; the ones who had lost or gained weight and needed to size down/up; but these aren't the ones that made me think. She was the woman who came in and had to sit after 10 minutes because she was short of breath. The one who could no longer fit into our largest size and had to leave empty handed. This woman terrified me, even if I knew in my heart I could never become her. But above all, the different stories of loss and gain I heard daily made me want to start focusing on my health.

One of the lyrics I love is "every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end". Sadly enough, this story of my weight loss begins with a funeral. My friend's mom died in October 2010. Now, in Catholic Mexican families, after someone dies, you gather for 9 nights after that and say the rosary for that person. After that there would be coffee(mostly milk and sugar) and pan dulce(bread covered in sugar). For about 2 weeks straight I was eating an amazingly comforting(read: fattening) meal, followed by sitting, followed by straight inhalation of empty calories. When my friend left to go back to work, I had gained probably 7 pounds in 2 wks. I was the heaviest I had ever been when I stepped on that scale. We challenged each other to lose the weight we had both gained before he returned for homecoming in 2 weeks.

The next day I dusted off a 10 minute Pilates DVD I had never opened and pulled out my sister's mat that neither of us had ever used. For the next 2 wks I did Pilates and made a real effort to eat healthier and was rewarded by actually seeing results on the scale and in the way my clothes were fitting. I managed to lose all the weight I had put on. I was proud, and motivated in a way I had never really been before. Had it been this easy all along and I just didn't know? Surely not. I think a lot of it had to do with being in control of my schedule and my diet. As a student neither of these things were truly under my control....Well, sure I could wake up an hour and a half earlier and work out before class, but that would cut into my sleep. And yeah, I could eat off the dubious salad bar in the caf, but who does that? Skinny people, athletes, vegitarians...Psh.

Suddenly I realized I didnt have ready excuses and I could actually DO something about what size clothes I wore. Genetics, schedule, budget- these were all things that factored in, but they didn't have to dictate who I was anymore. This was the real beginning in what is, as of this moment, a 15-month journey. So this blog is going to be the place I keep track of what has happened, my change in thoughts and lifestyle, and just generally a place for me to keep myself accountable. To remind myself what I've been through and how far I've come.