V-I-C-T-O-R-Y, That's the Shrinking Battle Cry!

...lol. I dunno, I need to go to bed. So many NSVs lately! Sorry I'm a COMPLETE failure at blogging lately, but I have mostly been succeeding in real life. =) I'll give y'all a quick update and then maybe talk about calorie restrictions.

I've been sticking pretty good with IF, maybe a few days not quite the fast I was looking for. I also recalculated my calorie intake which I will talk about more in depth later. For the last 2 weeks I haven't been losing the 2 lbs/week I was maintaining prior to that. I actually was kinda stuck in a rut, and had been stuck at the same number on the scale for almost 2 weeks. I was gonna give my recalculation a week or 2 to settle so I was about to have to go back to the drawing board. Happy to say when I weighed in a few days ago, I was down FOUR pounds! So, still averaging 2 lbs a week. =D On track to reach a HUGE goal before Labor day! Also hopefully going to be able to finally share my progress pics! I'm 78lbs down now and I was planning on the big reveal at -80 lbs. So hopefully by next week! =D

I'm really excited guys. REALLY, really excited! I've had so many compliments lately, it's really spurring me on to keep going. Some highlights are:
-Will putting his hand on my stomach at the movie theater while I was standing and he was sitting and asking "Are you sucking your stomach in? It's so flat!"
- People at church telling me how great I look
- My old trainer Nichole telling me I'm getting some great curves and complimenting me on my progress.
- A patient today asking me "Have you...How much weight have you lost?" She hasn't been in since March, and we started seeing her in December, so I've lost about 50 lbs since we started seeing her. I looked at her chart "Well, since I saw you last...about 35 lbs?" Her mouth almost fell open she looked so shocked. She was so sweet and supportive it really made my day. It'll be a couple months until she comes back and she said "Well, keep it up!" I told her hopefully the next time I saw her I'd be skinny for real. haha

One of the biggest victories from this past weekend was that I went to Lane Bryant this weekend and pretty much confirmed that I can no longer shop there. The tops/dresses are sized 14/16 and were too big, the underwear sized 14/16 probably could've fit for the next couple weeks but I didn't want to waste money on that. And I couldn't even find a pair of 14 shorts to try on, and the 16s are way too big. So yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!!!!!!! Officially out of plus sized stores. This is a HUGE victory for me. Probably one of the biggest so far in this long winding road. I tried on a bunch of clothes from the big bag o' 14s [I got from a friend a while ago] and pretty much everything fits except the Eddie Bauer size 14s. The Levi's size 14s fit perfectly so I'm calling that official. lol.

So, this is a huge benchmark for me, and i'm really stinking excited to have finally made it. This is officially the smallest I have ever been in my adult life. I might have been a 14/16 my freshman year of high school, but nothing near this toned and lean. In another month or 2 I'm gonna have to sit down and really do my research and evaluate where I want to go with this last leg of weight-loss. I've learned so much but feel like I have so much more knowledge I could chase after. In my next post I'm gonna talk about the different things I've considered so far how I've readjusted every few months. Thanks, once again, to EVERYONE on this long crazy journey. I hope y'all have enjoyed reading about it and continue to root me on! =)

Why my pants sag off? I'm working my ass off!

Paraphrasing a Kanye line there that has always made me laugh. Finally took some new pictures today!

Woot!

Went to Old Navy today because they were having a sale and, of course, because none of my clothes really fit. I'm down another 2 lbs this week still going strong on IF so I think this is working for me! haha. If anyone has some size 12s they want to donate to a good cause, I'll be there soon! These are a 12 from Old Navy which really means that I'm probably pretty solidly in a 14 at most stores possibly a 16 where they run small. This is a medium top, too. Today was the first time I've ever experienced the frustration of the average-sized girl. There were no mediums/14-12s left in the colors I wanted!! So, this is what I ended up with, which I do like. I'm gonna wear it to a Rangers game this upcoming week! =)

So in honor of the summer, here is a look at the last 3 summers in comparison to this one. I'm so glad I've discovered lifting heavy and more recently IF. I've made much better progress in the last 6 months than I have in the last 3 years! haha.

Sizes 2x/24, 2x/22, 1x/18 and M/12 respectively 

Maybe over the summer I'll do a monthly progression from where I've been since December, which is when I really started back up again. Luckily between being in a sorority and recently actually trying to document my progress, I've got a LOT of pictures from the past several years. =) I've got some progress pics planned to debut in August that I'm pretty excited to see where they are. =D

Still slightly bummed about all this subcutaneous fat/ "loose skin" on my upper arms and thighs but it's shrinking too just at a much slower rate. I've been doing lots of random stuff to get it to tighten up and I think it's working to some degree. I just want to wear tank tops and be able to flaunt my newly discovered biceps and shoulders and shorts to show off my squat-strengthened legs! *sigh* I'll get there, I know. I dunno why I'm all of a sudden impatient now, I guess because I have been making such substantial progress lately, I feel like I should have more to show for it than bingo arms and saggy inner thigh cellulite. =P

So...what's new? I got back to all of my classes this week! I forgot if I said that last time but I went to my normal Tuesday Zumba and Wednesday yoga. Felt sooooo good! I was actually sore from yoga until yesterday! We did a lot of twists so my obliques were really angry afterwards. haha. I did back/shoulders yesterday and legs today. I would usually do chest/arms today but my shoulders were SO SORE that I had to switch because I didn't think I was gonna be able to do anything. haha. My low back was still a little sore today so my squatting didn't go as well as it normally does. I did get some satisfaction that the skinny guy in the rack next to me was deadlifting less than I can, but by the end he was probably lifting more than I am as far as percentage of body weight so I gave him a break. =) I still felt really strong even with my sore back.

I really love lifting weights. Y'all might be tired of hearing it, sorry. It's hard to explain the sense of accomplishment of lifting something heavier than you did last time if you don't already understand it. It's just such a tangible measure of strength. I had 135lbs across my back, a 45lb bar and two 45lb plates, and thought "This is a lot lighter than I thought it was gonna be". As my warm up/deloading weight. 2 months ago I wasn't near maxing out at that and I wouldn't have DREAMED that would be this easy for me. I've gotten to the point on some lifts where my grip strength or accessory muscle strength is limiting my actual lifts.  I need to get my back stronger so I can squat more, and I need to get my grip stronger so I can dead lift more. And I need to actually focus on form and technique for bench press. I swear it's the red-headed step child of my workouts. haha. I'll get to it soon! I'm sure I will be posting a triumphant blog when I start making big gains in my bench press. =) Sorry about the spotty updates recently, I've been getting back on my normal schedule now that Will is home. I've been keeping my facebook page pretty well updated though, if you're on facebook(ha) and want to follow that. =) As always, thanks for all the sweet words and encouragement! 

IF you give a girl some coffee...

So I'll be double posting this week to make up for missing last week, get excited! Depending on my schedule, Wednesday might be a progress pics post! =) Just got down to a size 14 bermuda short! My legs are all bruised from deadlifts so I'm trying to wait for them to fade before I show off my legs. haha. If you like pictures, I am occasionally posting some here that don't make it to the blog, so you can check that out. As of last week I am down 70lbs from my starting weight and pretty soon I will be ready to announce to the world exactly how fat I used to be. haha. I had to get pretty far away from it before I would even hint at it on Fitocracy but now I'm in a place where I'm happy with my progress and find that hard numbers are more appealing especially when those smaller numbers seem SO impossible when you feel SO fat. So yeah, coming-out-party of sorts TBA. =D

So I said I'd talk about IF [Intermittent Fasting] this post and I will GLADLY tell you about it. I also feel like at this point in my blog since I'm starting to get people reading that I don't actually know in real life, I feel obligated to let y'all know that I share all this information as stuff I have found to be helpful for me in my fitness journey, and do not claim to be any kind of expert in anything. I can only share what I've read and let you know what's working for me. Now, if you're not familiar with the concept, this is a really comprehensive overview of the science behind fasting and intermittent fasting. Basically, if you don't eat for an extended amount of time, your body responds by increasing fat oxidation, i.e. burning fat. And this is the fat that really likes you and wants to stay with you forever, the "stubborn fat". The fat that is currently ruining[read: hiding] my would-be-beautiful arms and legs. *sigh* So the optimal fat burning window I read (I think on leangains) is over 16hrs fasted. Anything over I think 8 hrs is elevated from "normal".

So since June 10th I have been doing a 16/8 split of fasting and eating. That is to say, from (roughly) 7pm to 11am I am fasting. I try to finish eating dinner by 7 and I don't eat again until lunch around 11. It's really been fairly simple. I got kinda hungry the first week, but not exceptionally so because I've never been a huge breakfast person. For a while a few months ago I was forcing myself to eat breakfast mostly because "you should" and not really because I was hungry. I found that it made it harder to stick under my calorie goal not only because I was having an extra 300ish calories first thing in the morning, but also because by lunch time I was SO HUNGRY that it made it harder to be happy with my deficit-sized meal. Now, I got to add back in something that I had cut out for a long while- coffee. It was kind of necessary when I was weening myself of caffeine and Dr. Pepper that I kick coffee as well. My poor body just craved the caffeine and I still had such a sweet tooth that after all the stuff I put in my coffee, it was calorically almost as bad as the full calorie can of DP! Now I can put a tablespoon (25 calories) of fat free flavored creamer in my coffee and It tastes just fine!

The beautiful thing about coffee/caffeine is that it is an appetite suppressant and fat-burning-motivator in one. I don't want to say "fat-burner" because I don't think the caffeine really helps burn the fat as much as it helps kick start the fat burning process. But also, because coffee is a viable substitute for breakfast, it helps you think you've already eaten and you shouldn't be hungry. And also, I just really missed coffee so this is all kinds of win for me. =) Most people who follow some form of IF usually use coffee or tea to get through their fasting periods. Drinking lots of water is also important but as I've stated in the past, that's never been a problem for me so I just keep up my good hydration habits. So, coffee for breakfast, lunch for lunch, dinner for dinner, water alll day. Stop eating after dinner. Simple.

I remember reading people commenting about IF that it was hard to get in their calories and should they be eating more and blah blah blah. I'd had some days where I had been really good- too good, you could argue- and been pretty far under my calorie goal. But I couldn't imagine having to get advice on how to eat more. What? Who are you? What is your life like? Can I have this problem? Well, I kind of did towards the end of the first week. I just wasn't hungry or didn't have enough time to fit everything in during my 8 hours of allotted eating time[the term is "feeding window" but it makes me think of zoo animals or something so I don't like using that term. lol]. I figured out that if I just added a snack that I would be okay. I actually went over my calorie goal a few times and I still managed to lose 4 lbs in the last 2 weeks. I had been losing 2 lbs pretty consistently there for a while, but over the last month or two, it had slowed to about a pound a week. This has kick started my weight loss back to where it was and I think is exactly what I needed to get me back on track to getting to where I want to be by the end of this calendar year.

Another thing to note about why IF works in a strictly calorie restriction vein- I think a lot of people experience this "falling of the wagon" happening at night. Having a sweet craving an hr or 2 after dinner, wanting to munch on something while watching a movie or being on your computer. The kind of mindless eating that can really inhibit weight loss seems to happen the most at night. So if you cut out the munchies, which you should do anyway, and then happen not to eat breakfast the next day (hello, 8am classes- we used to always skip breakfast) you've probably already done your 16 hour fast without any real effort or elaborate planning. Now you have your whole days worth of calories to eat in the time you'd usually eat 2 meals. See how much "extra" food banking those calories bought you. You've earned yourself a cookie. 

Crazy Schedule Meets Crazy Yogi

The last week went by so quickly and my routine is so off because of this upcoming concert that I actually stopped and said "Oh, today is Wednesday...I need to blog". haha. I can't decide if I have nothing to say or too much to say.

My regular routine has been smashed to little bits, but I'm coping surprisingly well. haha. With my boyfriend, Will, being gone and my added rehearsals for the choir I'm singing with until Sunday I am just trying to make sure I'm going to the gym- but my class schedule is completely different. Theoretically LA fitness has very similar class schedules so that you can always go to a specific class at a specific time at almost any gym. Well, except my gym doesn't have yoga at the same time as Will's gym. So I tried the yoga class at my gym and I knew it wasn't going to be anywhere near as cool as my regular class but I went in with an open mind. I'm glad I had prepared myself because it was really different. It started out and I was afraid it was going to be more "restorative" yoga but then after like 15 minutes of basic stretching we started doing all these balance things and I was like, uuuuuuh...crap. I balanced on my head/shoulder, one foot and my butt bone. I use the term "balance" loosely of course. =) So that was Friday, and I talked to the teacher afterwards because I was curious what her kind of Yoga was called. She said it was Hatha. She also said some things that almost rubbed me the wrong way, but I dismissed it because Yogis are supposed to be super chill, so maybe she wasn't as judgmental as she sounded.

I decided to give her class another try because lets be honest, balance isn't my strong suit so that could only make me better. Class was mostly the same and I was a little better at standing on one foot, and a little worse at balancing on my round squat-enhanced butt. Well after Sunday's class I spoke to her again, and this time she definitely said things that put me off. Some of her advice was good, but she definitely frowned upon my weight lifting; made a comment that suggesting that I wasn't treating my body right. She also told me that if I did yoga enough that I wouldn't need to lift anymore. ...Um, you're making the assumption that that is a goal of mine? After I already told you I'd been lifting much longer than I've been doing yoga? I dunno, it was very strange for her to say that to somebody who told her they had only been doing yoga for about 2 and a half months. I was talking to her because I was curious about her specific discipline, not because I wanted to adopt it as my own right now, forevermore. *sigh* Anyway, so I don't think I will be going to her class again. I would on Friday, but I think I'm going to go back out to the other gym so I can take Will's brother to work out. I think he's been slacking in our absence so I need to go crack the whip! =P

I really miss Zumba. Like really really. I went 2 weeks ago and not since and I want to DANCE and be silly and burn calories! But, there is a bootcamp at my gym on Saturday and there is a Zumba portion at the end so I am definitely looking forward to that!! I missed the May bootcamp...and maybe the April one? I can't remember. But I'm definitely going this Saturday early afternoon so if we're friends "IRL" please text me if you want to go, I'm allowed to bring friends. =)

Well, I was going to talk to y'all about my new adventures in intermittent fasting, but I think it will have to wait. I started Monday so maybe I should wait til next week to really write about it. BUT I will tell y'all that another thing about my schedule being different is weighing on a different scale. Every time I would weigh myself on the scale at home it would be 1-3 pounds different than Will's scale. And i'm not talking about normal through the day variations. I mean one time I tested it and weighed myself right before I left, and then right when I got home and it was 2 pounds different. So I just decided I wasn't going to weigh myself until after he gets home in a couple weeks. Well, it's kinda driving me crazy but it's also kinda nice. I know I've lost weight so I'm just going to be content in the feeling that my clothes are getting looser and I've been picking up progressively heavier things. I got on the scale today and saw a number 4 pounds lighter than what I saw last week so I'm just gonna keep it in mind but not officially log it in MFP or anything.

Today was chest day and it was awful and wonderful at the same time. Upper body workouts are usually like that for me. I feel so weak because my arms are nowhere near as strong as my legs. But I would rather be like that than like the guys that are curling 80lb dumbbells but then can only quarter squat 135 lbs. *sigh* But I AM making improvements which is, after all, the whole point. I am slowly but surely becoming a better(and smaller) version of myself. =)

Measure Twice and Cut Once? Something Like That...

Well this is going to be the biggest progress post I've had in quite a while!! As of this weekend I have officially lost 65lbs from my starting weight! So Saturday I celebrated at the gym by taking this picture:

Not the most flattering...

That's a 65# dumbbell and it was actually harder to pick up than I expected it to be. Saturday I set ALL KINDS of personal bests, some of which I might not attempt again for a while. That's because Will is gone for Navy training for 3 weeks so we had our own kind of going away party in which I maxed out on bench press, squat and dead lift just because he won't be here to spot me for a while. I also did bad ass on the leg press and I squatted that dumbbell for 2 sets of 5. I was tired from barbell squatting more than I weigh, though, so I probably could have done more if I had started out with those. After a short rest though, I went and leg pressed more than TWICE what I weigh. I hadn't done leg presses for probably 3 weeks just because I was doing so many squats and didn't want to tire myself out. It was like my legs were like "oh great you're letting us push the weight up from beneath instead of above? Let's go!" Saturday was nuts!

So that was the huge gains from the completed squat challenge. It's more noticeable than my pictures which I forgot to get Will to take them before he left so it's on a different camera in a different place by a different photographer...lol. So pretty much the opposite of a good before and after picture, but here we go:

In this month, I only lost 5 pounds on the scale but doubled my leg strength

So, while the improvements aren't super visible in these pictures, my legs are SO much stronger and smooth and hard to the touch. You can kind of tell that they're smoother but only if you look really hard. I don't know if you can tell that my clothes are looser. My butt has also never been "saggy" really to begin with so there wasn't a whole lot of lifting to be done...lol. But yes, the stats on this are way more exciting than the pictures. =D  And you know, being less jiggly in the thigh area is a definite improvement. =P

So now for my measurements! I'm never really sure how to give these, but this works as well as anything:
Negative inches from 03/27/2013[Total since 10/14/2011]
Neck: 0.75 [0]
Chest: 2 [6.5]
Shoulders: 2 [4]
Waist: 0.75 [6.5]
Hips: 2 [8.5]
Biceps(R+L): 2.25 [11.25]
Thighs(R+L): 3.25 [8.75]
Calves(R+L): 2.25 [7.25]
Total inches lost: 15.25[52.75]

So, let me make a few quick comments on these numbers!! First, in 10 weeks I've lost more than a foot off of my circumference. In 61ish weeks I've lost more than 4 feet. BUT, I would like to point out that in those 10 weeks I've only lost 16 lbs but 3.2% body fat. In those 61ish weeks I've lost 46lbs and 8.5% body fat. So the big difference in the past 10 weeks is that I've been trying to be more conscious of the amount of protein I'm eating and trying to eat what I'm guesstimating to be 1g per pound of lean body mass, which is what is recommended for increased muscle growth. Ok hold on, I'm about to get really nerdy. So, since that change I've lost 34.7% of the weight, but 37.6% of the body fat% and only 28.9% of the inches. SO basically what that means is that my body composition has been changing a lot in the last 2 months.

This is why I tell people to take lots of measurements! If I went strictly by my weight or BMI, I wouldn't be getting the full story. The fact that my per week weight loss has slowed but my strength gains have gone through the roof and my fat loss% has increased as I have increased my protein% intake is clearly pointing to the fact that I am gaining muscle and losing fat at the same time and at changing speeds. Although, to be completely honest, I'm not entirely sure how accurate my bf% from today was, and I might retake it Friday morning and get back to you. It was the same as it was when a checked it after the first week of the squat challenge and I KNOW I've gained muscle since then and lost weight. So yeah, I could write a whole post (and people have) about how inaccurate bf% calculations are in general. There are tons of different ways to do it and they err anywhere from 2-6% sooo yeah. Another topic all together.

The point is, documenting things is important if you want to stay on track. Looking at the squat challenge pictures alone is kinda disappointing until you realize that the amount of weight I could lift pretty much DOUBLED and it gained me a lot of muscle and lost me a few inches overall. So, the next step from here? I'm currently doing a plank challenge, which I tried to start in May but then got too busy with all the squats. I want to start a strength training program and I'm looking at a few but haven't picked one yet. I'm still trying to decide from here what route I want to take to my final destination of "fit and healthy". What will get me there the fastest? Is that a route my vehicle can handle? Is it the safest? Will I like the view? What shape will I be in when I get there? The journey is as important as the destination so I'm doing my research along the way and trying to figure out what is the safest and most effective route. Each new check point has more and more information and resources so I have a lot of reading to do! Next week I might share some of it with y'all if you want. =) But in the meantime, congrats to all of those that finished the squat challenge!! And good luck to everyone on your next fitness endeavor! 

How Many Grapefruits Equals a Sun Bear?

First item to report: bro-free Yoga. haha. I like to believe that people will stick to things, but I guess it wasn't for them. Yoga was much needed today as this is the penultimate day of the squat challenge. Need to do 240 squats today! I feel like somebody beat me in the back of the thighs with a baseball bat. Or maybe a tire iron. Not sure. But in any case it feels awful and is all from my new personal best on the romanian deadlift Monday. So it's an even trade, really. haha. Anyway, I haven't finished my squats for today yet, but I WILL before I submit this blog because sometimes the thought of letting myself and YOU down is what keeps me going. People pleaser to the death of me, I know. =) My yoga instructor is a goddess because she took us through extra hamstring stretches before and after the workout because I mentioned I was gonna be on the struggle bus with anything that required hamstring strength/stability. haha.

Next thing on the agenda- this is the best thing I've seen today:

Someone posted it on fitocracy in one of the groups and someone said that we all start with a koala bear, which weighs around 25lbs. lol. There's also a lighter weight version with cats:

So these are really funny because I like putting weight into real world perspective so much, but I hadn't actually stopped to think about the weight I was lifting, only the weight I was losing. In the Fitocracy weight loss group one girl said when she did squats with dumbbells she would think "I used to walk around with this much extra weight all day!" So I've decided for my next big milestone picture, I'm gonna try to take it at the gym with a big dumbbell of how much I've lost. =D (I'll have to be sneaky because I don't think my gym allows pictures...I know they don't allow video.)

There is so much inspirational stuff I've found that I just don't know what to share with you guys(because if I shared it all it would be really overwhelming). I'm realizing more and more how much I've changed and transformed both inside and out. Keeping this blog has really helped me keep track of myself and I like going back to read the old ones sometimes. The most important thing I think I can tell someone is set goals! Long term crazy sounding ones that just MIGHT be achievable and short term and medium(?) term goals for the days/weeks/months. Like I've said before "I need to lose 100 pounds" sounds a lot more intimidating than "I need to lose 2lbs a week". And don't make all your goals weight related! Improvement in any area is improvement and usually more reliable than the scale. Being able to walk up the 4 flights of stairs in the parking garage without losing my breath is a lot more useful than saying I've lost X amount of weight.

But, since that is what my blog is about...as of today I've lost 64 lbs overall! haha Next week y'all will get before and afters from my squat challenge! I'm excited to see them myself, because I can feel the difference in my leg strength and how toned by quads are, but the only difference I've been SUPER aware of is my knee definition, which is strange but wonderful. My knees never really hurt me, thank God, but I have noticed that they are getting really tired the last week after I get to like, 150+ squats. So I am glad that I am almost done. But yeah, a month ago I wouldn't have known that I could do 250 squats. Now I know that I can squat a lynx on top of a sun bear. =D

Will Squat for Shorts

Halfway through the squat challenge!! I did 140 squats today! If you're interested you can click here to see how I did them(and the rest of my work outs!). =D I'm feeling great. My legs are getting STRONG. Like, When I touch my thighs they are hard even when I'm not flexing. It's a really strange feeling.

You know what else is a strange feeling? Realizing that when you're standing up, sucking in doesn't really do anything. Like, the middle part of my stomach tightened up and came in a bit, but it didn't really do much. And when I actually thought about it, I couldn't remember the last time I had sucked in. Of course I also can't remember the last time I wasn't considered "obese" or "morbidly obese" by any method of measurement. Now I think by my body fat I'm a lot closer to just being "overweight" but there's lots of different definitions out there. All I know is I'm THISCLOSE to being in a size 14 which I don't remember ever wearing in the last decade of my life so I'm pretty sinking excited. Although with all these squats my quads won't be able to fit but I guess that's what shorts are for!

I've never been excited to wear shorts in my life. Like, fat girls DREAD short season. Thighs are jiggly, knees are ugly, and everything is pale because you never let anyone see them if you can help it, even Mother Nature. Now I have this pair I got from Old Navy that I'm excited to put on every time. Not the hottest legs ever, but probably my best looking legs since like freshman year of high school. haha OH! Will and I took new bluebonnet pictures! I dunno if I mentioned this last week. Here are a few that show off my progress.

 [Sorry for how gag-worthy these are, we really can't help it sometimes...]

So yay! These were a few weekends ago now but these are my new favorite shorts which I am un-apologetically wearing all the time because a) I don't want to buy another pair because b) I hopefully will need a smaller size in a few weeks. A really, really good problem to have. These are the shortest non-athletic shorts I've worn in a WHILE so yay for better legs and confidence! =) Who's still with me on the squat challenge? I have a before picture that I will post once I have an after picture to go with it. And then y'all can see how defined my knees are getting and you'll want to do it, too! ;) I'm already making a list of goals for June. Joining Fitocracy has given me so many resources and ideas for my workouts and how and why and WHAT to do in the gym. If you need advice or ideas or motivation I would definitely recommend it! =) Click on my link and go and join and friend me and you can see in detail how I'm kicking my own butt into short-shape. 

The Fitness Bug and Squat Butt

Guys, I feel like I need to re-write the lyrics to Usher's "You got it bad" or something. I've been reading and doing and loving so much stuff lately. Today was the first day of the 30-day squat challenge and I banged out those 50 pretty easy.

Easy-peasy...until next week. lol

I have to say thanks to Leah for turning me on to the squat challenge, and thanks to Lauren for introducing me to Fitocracy. My facebook news feed(when I get past posts about engagements, weddings, husbands and babies) is full of people being healthy! I have so many friends doing good things and I am so proud of all of you!! Lauren, Leah, Caitlin V, Sue, Linda, Anne Marie, PJ, Kayli, Rebecca and everyone else posting about exercise and goals and success, y'all are awesome! Keep it up, don't take your eyes off the prize! And don't forget to leave a comment if you're doing the challenge with me/us!

Today was such a great day at the gym. Finding this new community to connect to on Fitocracy which is so supportive of the workout aspect has been a breath of fresh air. I love MFP for the accountability and I'm definitely still using that, but the weight training is in its own section and doesn't log calories so it just makes your journal look cluttered because each set is its own line. It's more of just a note to keep track of the weight for your own benefit. On Fitocracy its centered on the WORK you're putting in and the people are already so supportive! Part of it is that the site automatically puts you in groups when you list your interests. So it put me in some groups like "Lady Lifters" and "No Barbie Weights Here" lol. It is really nice to see other women doing weights WAY heavier than I am and being way smaller than I am and know that if I keep going in the direction I'm going I can get there. It's been over a week and a half since I lifted anything and I didn't realize how much I missed it!

After reading so much and being so inspired I'm pretty much going to do the opposite of what I was planning. I was going to cool it on the heavy weights and focus more on a medium weight with more reps. I think I'm going to just train harder but focus more on free weights. I'm still kind of uncomfortable in the testosterone fest that is the free weight corner but if I can just get over it and act like I belong there maybe I can prove that I do. My main problem is that about half of the guys aren't there to train, they are there to show off or help their friend show off. I was trying to go grab some dumbbells and this guy was perched on the rack right over the 5 pound weights watching his friend do something fancy on one of those half-ball platform things. Now, I wasn't going to use the 5 pound weights, but anyone who did would certainly be intimidated by this jerkface. I did have to get close enough to him that he noticed he might POSSIBLY be in the way and got up and apologized unconvincingly. I think I chose to ignore him because I had my headphones on. As does anyone who is actually doing work(have you heard the music in the gym?). Anyway, the point is- it is hard to carve yourself a place in that corner of the gym if you don't have a Y chromosome. Not because it's difficult to lift, because that is implied and that's why you do it, but because if it is the least bit crowded it is almost impossible to avoid douchebags who are trying to prove their own worth in the most obnoxious and obvious way possible. I am more impressed by the guy silently slamming out 15 reps of his own weight on bench press than the guys taking up a squat rack alternating sets of 8 not-squats every 5 minutes with much to-do and grunting.

I'm sorry, I know I complain about these various and sundry asshats every few posts after I've had to encounter them but it is really coming to be my pet peeve. It's so distracting! Will tells me to ignore them, and I'm getting better at it, but I don't turn my music loud enough to drown everything out because my ears are too sensitive for that and I actually make myself aware of the people around me in case they get too close to me or something becomes unsafe. All that aside, I added 10 pounds to my deadlift and did 5 sets of overhead dumb bell presses in preparation for eventually doing a barbell overhead press which is apparently a big deal in the fitness world. haha I also added 5 pounds to the seated dip machine, bringing me to 56% of my body weight. Yay!

That is also because I'm continuing to lose weight[fat]: I did my bf% today and I'm down 3.2% from the end of March!! Basically this tells me that although the scale says I've lost 10 pounds in 5 weeks I've actually lost 11.3 pounds of fat! This is why you can't go on the scale alone, guys and gals. Your weight is only PART of the equation! So even though my thighs continue to stay solidly at a size 16 even if my waist is closer to a 14, I will do my squats for the rest of this month and forever. Though I think I will only do my lifting squats on actual leg days. I know I'm not gonna get huge or anything[despite every female's instinct] but It's still a concern that my thighs and not my waist will keep me from sizing down in pants. But if that's the price I have to pay for a toned lower half that looks better and better every week in shorts, than I'll have to be okay with that. 

It MAY Workout

So, I'm trying to figure out if fitness as a lifestyle is addictive, or if I might just have a slightly addictive personality anyway and this is my new addiction. Maybe it's both. It's like the more you try, the more you want to try. I was actually really sad I didn't get to go to the gym today. We re-arranged Will's room because he got a new TV so I spent most of the afternoon vacuuming the floor with a hand vac and helping move furniture. lol. I burned a good amount of calories just not the way I wanted to do it.

I think the more I teach my body, the more it wants to learn. It's like my brain usually is, a black hole of curiosity. "Oh, I like this, what else can we do?" I picked up Yoga MUCH faster than I expected but enjoy it just as much as I thought I would. I want to try belly dancing and get back into pilates and like a dozen other things that I've seen or heard of and want to know more. I'm a completely new person, unafraid of these "skinny girl" things even if I might be slightly apprehensive at first. 

I want to do this 30-day squat challenge I heard of on facebook. I think I need to alter(for now) my approach to strength training. I've been following the advice of my boyfriend, who has his own significant weight loss story that he achieved just by reading body building forums. But this approach, obviously, is mostly about weight-lifting and muscle gain. It has worked so far because the muscle I have gained has helped melt the fat on top of it. But now that I have a pretty strong base to work off of, I really want to focus on slimming down and keeping that muscle toned. 

It's like when you see those pictures of "Half their size!" and you're like "How was that beautiful skinny person hiding in that big fat person?". I can see the skinny person under there now. Before it took a LOT of imagination, but now I can clearly see her in there under that fat and extra skin. I want to let her free!! So, here's my new work out plan for the month of May: 

-On May 1st I'm going to start the 30-day squat challenge. I would LOVE if any of y'all want to do it with me! I got the idea from my friend and I wish I had started it with her. 

-Protein shake for breakfast every day. My goal is to really up my protein intake so I can maintain as much muscle as possible. Because...

-Cardio at every work out. Right now I let myself slack on cardio to like once or twice a week outside my classes. No more. I will do cardio every time I walk through those doors.

These are my main goals. I want to keep slimming down but at this point my muscles are growing enough that it's making my legs look bulky. But I'm down to a 16 pant and a L top so I'm pretty happy lately. I posted a picture from today on my facebook page if you didn't see it. NSV for real with my boyfriend telling me "You look like you don't have a stomach, you look fantastic!" haha. These are the things that keep me going! 

Fat Marissa comes out to play, but Skinny Marissa is here to stay!

So I let fat Marissa come out to play Saturday at a drunken wedding and I didn't lock her back up until Monday afternoon. haha. Seriously though taking 3 days in a row off working out and letting myself eat whatever I wanted resulted in gaining like 4 pounds! So, small step back but it's good to know how quickly I can undo so much of my hard work. Also, I don't think I've mentioned that I have gallstones.

So, for roughly the last year I've been having bouts of nausea and back pain after eating super fatty foods, especially dairy fat. I found out it was gallstones last summer but the attacks are so infrequent I don't want to do surgery. Anyway, I've pretty much cut dairy fat out of my diet as much as possible. I'm lactose-intolerant anyway so it wasn't THAT hard. Especially when I know that eating queso might result in hours of agony. So  every 3 weeks we have a patient that comes in and brings donuts. Fat Marissa was ALMOST back in her cage but she slipped back out for a 2nd donut, which resulted in me getting sick halfway through choir practice and laying in bed for hours. So, yeah. Don't get gallstones. It sucks.

Even with the residual soreness, I got back on it hard last night with Zumba and then gave myself a mini spin class. I haven't been able to make it to spin in a couple weeks and the gyms have gotten new bikes so I went and played on one for a while. It was great! The new bikes count your calories burned and how fast you're peddling and how far you've gone, so cool! The sauna at the gym has been messed up lately so the heat I've come to savor after a hard workout was about 60 degrees less[a mere 120, lol] than it usually is and I was sad. Something about that intense heat relaxing all those muscles you just punished is really relaxing once you get used to it. If you're doing hard work outs and your gym has a sauna, I definitely recommend trying it. Though as accounted by my post roughly a year ago, saunas can get awkward fairly quickly. Now I walk in empty-handed in my socks and If i'm by myself I take off my shirt and lay on top of it, which is also apparently socially acceptable. I also like to use my exercise towel to cover my face. Serves dual purpose of  being able to ignore everyone else, and protecting my lungs from the super-hot air.

Anywho, I promised y'all pictures and pictures you shall have. Again, this is what I've pretty much established as my "before" picture:

April 2010

And this is my April 2013 picture:

April 2013

Sorority pose in full effect, y'all. It's pretty much permanent and I can't really help it. haha Fairly certain 2 of those grapefruits came from my chin. =) I was back on campus and tried taking a picture in that exact spot from 3 years ago, but everything has grown so much and it was muddy and I didn't want to make Will get his dress shoes dirty sooo yeah that was a fail. haha. Maybe I'll try again later, I'm sure I'll be back on campus for another wedding eventually.

This is a really random post but I guess that's what I get for skipping a week and getting sick and having lots to say. I apologize! I might actually do another post Friday because I want to talk about how I'm going to make changes to my current workout routine. Not Zumba or Yoga though, because I'm still loving those. Did Yoga again today and was shocked to be in the top performing half of the class. We had a lot of beginners[like i'm not?] and this one girl was totally unaware of her body and what "straight line" meant. The instructor was trying to help her so she didn't hurt herself but then she gave up when she realized that it was a lost short-term cause. It was gonna take a personal training session in a mirrored box to get her aware of what she was doing.

There was also a fairly obese woman that came in late and only participated in about half the class. I was impressed with the instructor and how she gave her personal attention[without disrupting class] and had her just do some ab work when we were doing stuff that she wasn't flexible enough to do. She just watched a good bit of what we were doing and I talked to her after class and she said she'd be back next week and I assured her I would as well. My Zumba friend that I've been missing was back last night, too! She'd been gone for like a month and she said she was in a car accident! I'm glad she's back and feeling better. We were both moving slowly last night because she was still recovering from that and I was still recovering from my gallbladder attack. I like making friends at the gym, even though Will thinks I talk too much. =) I think if you're gonna be doing the same class with people every week for the foreseeable future you should at least get on a smile-and-wave basis with them. haha

Thanks for reading, guys! Sorry about slacking last week, I will definitely post Friday about my upcoming slim-down regimen change. haha

Everybody Loves a Top 10 List!

aka the NSV post inspired by a huge victory on the scale. haha.

First, I just have to do this. So here is a different picture of the fat vs muscle density difference.

Grapefruits and Tangerines

So here is the representation of my 50+ pound victory so far.

50 lbs of fat = space of 30 grapefruits

I've lost over 30 grapefruits worth of fat. lol. That's pretty awesome. At my next big mark I'll go fill a basket with grapefruit or something. lol I dunno if Walmart would appreciate that.

SO, here are the Top 10 Non-Scale Victories associated with my big scale victory

10. Having officially completed two 5Ks and actually WANTING to run more.

9. Feeling full without finishing a meal. It's amazing how much your stomach shrinks when it doesn't have all those grapefruits up there encouraging it. haha

8. Doing a mile on the elliptical in 7:08. I have essentially cut my mile in HALF[not in real life, unfortunately] on the elliptical from where I started.

7. Being down 4 sizes from where I was. Size 24 pant to size 16. Almost able to shop at ITG stores!

6. Leg pressing more than I weigh and doing more than half my weight on the seated dip. How soon is too soon to strap myself into that thing? lol

5. My boyfriend's jackets being too big on me. I dunno about the rest of you fat girls, but I always wanted to be that girl wearing my boyfriends too-big letter jacket. Goal achieved.

4. Being able to touch my elbows to my knees when doing bicycle crunches. You have no idea how much this always bothered and shamed me before and now I have to be careful not to bruise my legs with my elbows.

3. Talking to women at the gym after classes and seeing their faces when I mention how much I've lost.

2. Being able to do compound abs! Such a huge victory for me!! Oh, and being able to hold a plank for over a minute! Big time, y'all.

1. Going to the doctor and hearing nothing but "You look great!", "Wow!", "I am SO proud of you." and "Keep it up!"

I still have a long way to go but I am one HUGE step closer to being where I want to be! Thanks to EVERYONE for all the love, support and endless encouragement! I also feel the need to "shout out" to Kacee aka Butterbean4283 for keeping me accountable on MFP and achieving her own 50lb weight loss! Yay! Guys, this is possible! I'm not the only one doing it and YOU can do it, too! I honestly have the "If I can do it, anyone can!" attitude about this. You just have to find your motivation. 

Ohhh Namaste...okay...

My arms are so sore. I think I understand now. When all of my friends were telling me about how awesome yoga was, they really did mean it in the same way all of my friends meant it when they told be about how great spin class was. If you find the right instructor it's so great it makes you want to zone out in a hot shower afterwards because you don't want to have to move. That kind of awesome...which for all of you that don't know, is the masochistic kind of awesome that the fitness-minded people like. It took me a long time to appreciate this kind of awesome. I still sometimes have trouble with it.

Except I think I've stopped having trouble understanding the awesomeness of Yoga because I tried it again this morning. It was a different teacher and it was a lot less "explore your inner self" and a lot more "make sure your right knee is pulling towards the 'clock wall'". MUCH more beginner friendly. After we had done a rotation a couple times and understood what she meant by each of the poses, she got up and walked around and corrected people and offered very specific, VERY helpful advice. I was shocked she never came to specifically correct me, but I did feel like I really understood each pose. My first class I had more of a "fake it till you make it" mentality because there were more people and less direction, and as long as I thought I mostly looked like what the instructor looked like it was okay. This time because there were less(7) people and the instructor was giving such specific directions I really felt like I could focus on each movement and pose and get the most out of it. "Think of it as you are between 2 panes of glass, or between the screen door and the front door" Why, yes, that actually helps me a lot to focus on being aligned properly in the correct "triangle" pose. haha.

It's hard to explain if you've never had a correction to your form in doing an exercise that instantly you felt the difference. We were doing one of the warrior poses and she told us exactly how to push our knee out and when I followed her instruction I INSTANTLY felt the difference in my inner thigh just as she was saying that you should feel it in your inner thigh. It's moments like that that really focus your workout because you know exactly what you're working and now you know how to engage it properly. It makes you feel like all your energy and effort are worth it. And she offered modification advice and really made you feel like it was okay if you had to modify, she wasn't going to judge you as inept or anything. "It's okay, this is really hard". [She actually said that]. We did a lot of warrior and side plank stuff, which we didn't do very much of in the Saturday class. So after class I talked to her and asked her if each class had a focus area. Basically we just talked about how the class worked and I told her it was only my second one. She seemed kind of surprised and told me I did great and she asked me about the Saturday class. We talked for a little bit about the different classes and the different gyms. I told her she'd definitely see me next week. haha.

So get excited, all you friends who wanted me to get into Yoga. I'm officially into it. I think this is what I need to get my upper arms and thighs slimmed down. I'm excited, too. Knowing that for probably 30-40 minutes I was doing poses that focused heavily on my current problem areas is really reassuring.

Also, quick couple words on other things: I am prying pound 50 off my body this week. I WILL. So hopefully by Friday I'll get to do that post I'm excited for. =) I might not have time for it though because I'm going back to my college town on Friday to run a 5K on Saturday! I'm really excited about it!! I was initially training to try to get a time on it but when I transferred to real life concrete instead of an elliptical I ended up giving myself tendonitis. I could've kept training in my ankle brace but I figured that was my body telling me I wasn't quite ready yet, and my sister and our friend are going to walk it anyway so I'll just walk with them. It's a color run, so I will definitely post pictures!! Also, if you want more pictures you can like the new facebook page I set up for my blog. I've been having trouble getting my blog updates to the people who want to read them, so I think I finally solved that problem. It also occurred to me that now that I'm 50 pounds down and on the right track to [eventually] get to my negative 100+ pound goal that strangers might also find me inspirational. haha. It's a really weird thing, to think of myself as inspirational, but y'all keep telling me things and eventually I'll believe it. haha. Like how I keep telling myself I don't need cookies and I've started believing it.

....

Although, in full disclosure I feel obligated to tell y'all: I did eat a slice of pizza for lunch, and later half of a cupcake and half a cake ball ...My sister made me do it! *sigh* It's ok, i'm only at 200 net calories for the day and I'm planning on having a very healthy dinner. And I am proud of myself for not having 2 slices of pizza and a full cupcake/cakeball like I easily could have and usually would have. It's the small things, guys. Baby steps, small victories- eventually they add up, trust me! It's my story, and I'm sticking to it. =)

Namaste? Que?

Last week on my facebook page I asked about Yoga and got an overwhelming response of people telling me it was great and I definitely needed to try it. Everyone loved it and thought it was wonderful, and of course we have all heard what great things it can do for your balance and flexibility, so I finally got up the courage and tried it this morning. I would say it was surprisingly uneventful, but for all of you that have done yoga, it wouldn't be surprising. 

My decision that now was the time to try it was based on my measurements from the other day, actually. One of the things that they measure is your flexibility. You sit with your butt against the wall, legs straight in front of you and they measure how far you can reach toward your toes. Well, I can reach 6" further than I could when I first started, which I decided meant that I was probably flexible enough to not embarrass myself in a Yoga class. Also the fact that all my extremities were symmetrical meant I might have an edge over my old self in balance as well. So yes, my suspicions were correct and I actually did an OK job this morning!

I walked in after a woman who was heavier than I was and was instantly put at ease. I'm still always self-conscious when I try new things that I will be the biggest one in the class, especially when it's guaranteed to be a class geared toward intimidatingly thin girls. This is another thing I don't think chronically skinny people ever think about. Anyway, so I grabbed a mat and set it up near her. I turned around and said "I've never done this before..." and she said "Oh, it's hard". ...*blink* wow, thanks. lol. She recommended I get a second mat, which turned out to be a great idea the further into class I got. We didn't talk much (obviously, yoga isn't that kind of class) but when we got our water break halfway through she smiled at me reassuringly which actually helped a lot. I was better at parts of it than I expected, and worse at others. I surprised myself at how well I did the full body flowing combinations, and was disappointed at how I couldn't do some of the stuff towards the end as well. Overall, though- definitely glad I went. 

So for those of you who have never done Yoga before, I will try to help you understand. The instructor turned on the calming music and turned off the lights and spoke very quietly so at first it was kind of hard to understand her. I'm also pretty sure she had some kind of slight eastern European accent. She focused a lot on breathing and I was kind of surprised before we started she had us close our eyes and "Ask yourself why you're here? What are you goals? What is your purpose?" which is good to do but for some reason it surprised me. I guess it shouldn't have, I knew that Yoga uses some forms of meditation and such. Anyway, so after we were done pondering our existence we did a lot of sitting stretching and then moved to the "downward dog" and "plank" type things. We did them isolated first and then did a combination a few times. I was pretty good at those. Mostly because I've been doing planks a lot more lately. Then we did some standing stuff that wasn't hard, then a lot of one-legged stuff that I was ok at. There was this one move that was surprisingly difficult, I think she called it the "warrior saint". It was one of those things that looked easy but wasn't. It was easier the second time one the other leg after I got used to it. We ended with laying on our backs and relaxing and I really liked how my body felt, because I'd just had a full body workout that had me sweating, but didn't feel punished. And when we were done, my fellow curvy woman told me "You did great!" which really did make me feel better. haha

So the verdict is that I like Yoga, but as my default favorite is Zumba and this is the complete opposite of that, it will take some getting used to. I want to try out a different class time and see how it differs. According to my facebook friend, it was probably Vinyasa yoga. So I think I'll look into the different kinds and see what they're about. I told Will, this is probably gonna be like Spin class where after the first one you're like "well, that wasn't great but I can see why people do it" and then you try it a few more times and eventually add it into your routine. I think I'm gonna start practicing my balance outside of Yoga though, because I really want to be better at the one-legged stuff. Of course I want to be better at everything, which is why I started this blog in the first place. =)

The numbers are IN!

Got my measurements done today! I think I've successfully punched through that plateau. OVERALL I've lost 38 inches from my first measurements in October of 2011, which was roughly a year after I started losing weight. I really wish I had measured myself at my worst so I would know how far I've come. From my measurements since I started this blog, I've lost 6 inches total. They turned out about how I thought they would, which is good and bad. I've shrunk a lot in my torso, but my extremities are all the same, except for my calves which are actually bigger. But lets be honest, I'm not too upset that my soccer legs are reshaping themselves.

Because that's the thing, my legs and arms are obviously more muscular than last time, but for the most part they're almost exactly the same size. BUT they are, for once, symmetrical. Isn't that a thing, that people think you're more beautiful when you're more symmetrical? Well, sad news for that, 80% of people have one side of their bodies longer than the other. haha. When I first started only my calves were the same, my biceps and thighs were an inch different. Soo yeah. If we ignore the inches from my neck/arms/legs...

Negative inches from 01/2012
Chest: 1.5"
Shoulders: 0.5"
Waist: 1.5"
Hips: 2.75"
Total from torso: -6.25"

Most of this is back fat. Like really, my boobs are still the same size they were but I have less fat on my back. Also, I think it is safe to say I have literally danced my ass off with Zumba. The squats I'm doing make my glutes bigger and Zumba shakes all the fat off. I was telling Nichole that it's really frustrating when my waist and hips shrink faster than my thighs because then it's really hard to find pants that fit right. I'm 6/6.5" smaller in my waist/hips than in 2011. That's half a foot! So crazy.

So, hopefully by next week I will have met my goal and be officially 50, yes FIFTY, pounds down from the very start. I have a special post planned for that milestone so get excited! =) Thank you again, everyone, for all of your support! It means a lot and keeps me going when times get rough! And now so does this picture, which I will leave you with, that my friend Holly posted.

Plateaus and Legs

Y'all, these last few weeks have been ROUGH! I've been working hard, eating pretty well, under my calorie goals and I hadn't seen any real change on the scale. I went to a "fat-burning bootcamp" last Saturday and I weighed like 3 pounds more the next morning. Even if you're telling yourself "Muscle weighs more than fat" and even if your boyfriend is telling you [unsolicited] that your thighs, arms and waist are looking smaller; a girl can't help but plead with the scale to cooperate and get on board with everything else!

So last night Will had lots of homework, and I was exhausted from a long day so we ended up not going to the gym. And, to make the night even more guilt-ridden, we had fried chicken for dinner(which I haven't had in months). I was under my calories but over in fat, saturated fat and sodium. To make it even more lazy-feeling I slept in this morning. So I stepped on the scale this morning thinking that it would be the same numbers I've been looking at for the last 2 weeks. To my surprise I had lost almost 3 pounds! So, as of today I have lost 46 pounds from my start. I'm hoping that means my body is going to get back on track. I was pretty consistently losing 2 lbs a week for a while so I want to get back to that. I know your body will do everything on its own time but gosh it's annoying!

In other news, today was a leg day. I stopped doing the hip abductor/adductor machine a couple weeks ago and started doing plie squats with a dumbbell and some pilates moves for thighs. I also started doing full squats, because apparently Will and I weren't doing them exactly right. You're supposed to go all the way down where your thighs are parallel to the floor, but I wasn't doing it that far down before. At first I had lowered my weight but now it's back up to higher than it was before. So I started doing them free-weight on the 45lb bar and it's not as hard as I thought it would be.

Have I every told y'all how freaked out I was when I started doing squats? I had to start at a really low weight(like 60lbs lol) and work my way up. It wasn't that I couldn't do more weight physically but mentally I had to get over it. I really don't like things touching my neck, and I guess it's just the really constricted feeling of literally having all that weight on your shoulders. Like one wrong move and you're going to crush something or decapitate yourself. I mean, it's not gonna happen but in my mind I was one wrong move away from a horrific death. Lol. But I'm over that now and squatting like a champ-in-training. =) Today I upped it to 115 lbs after my first set at 105. I'm still doing leg presses at 180 but last week I did 5 x 10 so this week I did 4 x 12.

My normal routine used to be 3 sets of 15 reps for everything but I started trying to do higher weights at 5 x 10. This may have something to do with my "plateau"? I'm probably gaining muscle faster than I'm losing fat. I'm pretty sure I've talked about the muscle/fat relationship before but I really need everyone to see this picture again even if you've seen it before.

This is what you're working towards. Getting rid of that gross looking bumpy fat and trying to get more of that lean pretty looking muscle. So if you're working hard and getting on the scale and seeing that the numbers are staying the same, then that's okay. You just have to reprogram your[most likely female] brain to focus on your other successes: adding more weight on a challenging machine/exercise, being able to run longer or faster, or having more room in your clothes. All those "NSV". You HAVE TO stay positive, focused and motivated; because on this journey, it's a lot easier to give up then it is to stick with it. 

Confessions of a Reformed Food-a-holic

Hey guys! So I have lots of different things I could talk about but I never really know what would be the most helpful, and it's been recommended that I do another food post since it's been about a while since I talked about my struggles with food.

As I've said in past posts, the biggest thing about your attitude towards food is to be realistic and honest while being disciplined. I am realistically always going to want something chocolate. BUT I never need anything fattening. So I have to find smart substitutes and make sure I have them or can make them. Simply getting rid of everything sweet in your house isn't gonna cut it because if you're going to crave something sweet, when you actually get your hands on it you're doing to undo a lot of hard work. Or you're going to raid your pantry and end up putting cocoa mix on your boring healthy cereal or something. [I haven't done that but I was just thinking about things that I could do with whats in my pantry.] This actually happened to me tonight after dinner. After a really good spin class(-724 calories) I came home and ate a really good dinner (Grilled chicken, green beans and whole wheat penne with low fat cheese: 406 calories) and then just really wanted something sweet. This will happen to you especially after work outs, don't give in! Your body is craving food and calories to replenish what you just spent- give it good stuff! So I did actually raid the pantry and came out with some blueberries and cream oatmeal(260 calories).

Not the best thing, but better than the cookies I could've made from the fundraising cookie dough in the freezer and the crunchy peanut butter that was on the counter. This is another good point for all of you looking at eating better: don't be tricked into thinking peanut butter is ok, or even good for you, it's not! I actually let myself have a tablespoon of it- 100 calories and 8 grams of fat! FOR A TABLESPOON! I shudder when I think of all the crunchy peanut butter sandwiches that fat Marissa made with extra pb. To this day I love peanut butter, but I rarely have it anymore. I use the powdered peanut butter in my baking and protein shakes and it's a lot healthier but creamy peanut butter is so unsatisfying to me it's not even worth it most of the time. That is something I've just had to get over. My fat crunchy peanut butter sandwich days ended years ago and I'm a smaller, healthier person because of it.

So yes, KNOW YOURSELF. If you have a sweet tooth, get things that are sweet but healthy (or at least have some redeeming qualities) to snack on. I've mentioned fruit, especially apples, before but my latest discovery is dark chocolate oven roasted almonds. They're not actually like coated in chocolate candy, it's like they were dipped in cocoa powder and then roasted. The best part is a serving size is 24 nuts, which is a pretty decent sized handful, for 160 calories and 5 grams of protein. You get to feel like you're eating a good amount, they're sweet and crunchy(which is always more satisfying to me for some reason). And almonds are one of those foods that health nuts(pardon the pun) are all about. "Power foods" or whatever they want to call them. Whatever, they're awesome. I definitely recommend almonds for snacking purposes, but make sure you look at the serving size and make sure they're not adding a bunch of crap to the seasoning and coating.

When I'm shopping for snacks or food, my eye goes straight to the calories. The second place it goes is the serving size/amount per container. Is this an acceptable amount of calories for this serving size? This is where people get tripped up. You see a small bag of chips, you look at the calories and you think "Oh that's not that bad..." but if you check it's sometimes 2-3 servings per container, not that anyone actually eats only 1/3 of a small-ish bag of chips. Well, maybe chronically skinny people do, I dunno. The point is, not only to check the calories, but to check the serving size. If you are debating getting a snack and you don't think you could limit yourself to only 2 cookies or 7 crackers or whatever, DON'T GET IT! Because then you'll be putting in 3 servings in your calorie counter and be crying that you ever bought a supposedly healthier something. One thing that I really like is these huge bag of veggie straws that we get from Sams. They have on the bag "sensible portions" and you think oh? really? But a "serving" of veggie straws(they look like colored straws and taste like baked salt) is 38 straws, which is a normal sized serving for someone who likes food. You know when you make yourself a sandwich and you get a modest handful of chips to put on your plate and it's just not enough so you get another handful? Yeah, that's about 38 straws. 130 calories, 7 grams of fat. Want some ruffles? 12 measly chips will cost you 160 calories and 10g of fat.

For all of you who like food- It's gonna be ok. You don't have to give up eating! You might have to give up eating specific things that you like as often as you want. I'm not saying you're never gonna be able to have ice cream again, just saying that you might have to limit it to once a month, or change which kind you have. You can get a whole cup(2 servings) of the no sugar added dutch chocolate blue bell (which is still pretty delicious) for 180 calories and 6 grams of fat. This is definitely a better option than the cup(again, "2" servings) of cookies and cream blue bell that is 360 calories and 18 grams of fat. It's all about giving yourself options and not beating yourself up too much. If you just burned hundreds of calories doing a killer work out and you'll still be well under your calorie goal if you have 180 calories of ice cream then tell yourself IT'S OKAY! Here's the way I look at it: Will you get skinnier faster if you don't eat the ice cream? Well, yes. Will you potentially devour a hot fudge sundae from Braums (580 calories and 30 grams of fat) if you don't let yourself eat something sweet and feel completely bummed and crappy about it if you DON'T? Potentially. ...lol Anyone who has ever loved food knows what I'm talking about here. Giving yourself small substituted-for-much-worse treats when you've earned them is going to do you a lot better than trying(and failing) to give up things completely. Because we've all got an inner fat kid we have to keep satisfied somehow.

Run, Gorda, Run!

GUYS! HOLY CRAP! Can I please tell you what just happened? Well other than me accidentally eating a surprisingly fattening sandwich....We'll come back to this. More importantly, tonight I DID 3 MILES in TWENTY THREE MINUTES AND NINE SECONDS. That averages out to 7:43 a mile....I am just blown away. I feel like I need to write an acceptance speech or something because it's like the elliptical has rewarded me for hard work with a time warp or something. One of my friends recently posted she wanted to  average 8:30 for 3 consecutive miles and I thought "Wow, I'm gonna try that next time" and then kinda surprised myself that I had the same time goal as a thin girl who I know goes running in her neighborhood all the time.

I somehow did my first mile in 7:30. I slowed down considerably after that, but I picked it back up because I wanted my next mile to be between 8-8:30. So then as I was getting closer I just kept the pace up and finished in 7:51. I slowed down again and decided if I could do 2 under 8:00 then I could get the 3rd one under 9:00 for sure(even though 2 months ago I was happy with a 10 minute mile). So with the combination of some good music and my boyfriend going twice as fast next to me, I managed to finish the 3rd mile in 7:48. Wow. I am seriously, sitting here like triple checking my math because this is still hard to believe. I dunno what my body figured out on my birthday, but it's continuing to improve on it. Maybe one thing that has helped me get better is that I used to also have to keep an eye on my heart rate. I have a feeling that all that Zumba helps more than I realize because I used to push myself until I had to slow down to get my heart rate down, but I haven't had to do that since I really started up again on the elliptical. That's exciting, I didn't think about that until right now. =)

So ok, let me try to break this down into some helpful advice. When you're on your chosen form of cardio, whether it be the elliptical, treadmill, crossfit, or maybe even on a real track: Pay attention to your time and speed. Sure you'll get good results if you think "I'm just gonna go on here and give it my best and work my butt off". But if you have a specific goal in mind, it will help. So like tonight, I knew that 8 mph would be a 7:30 minute mile so I was shooting to keep my mph as close to 8 whenever possible. Sometimes it dipped down to 6, sometimes it went up to 9, but I tried to keep it in the high 7s, low 8s depending on the resistance I was getting(I have it set to random, which is basically uneven rolling hills). Now if you don't have a mph display on your machine or you're doing your mileage outside, you're gonna have to do math in your head and gauge your pace. "I just did that quarter mile in 3:00 so if I keep this pace I'm set to do a 12 minute mile" or whatever. Again, all about being self aware and knowing what you need to do to get what you want.

Believe it or not, I had already met a goal before I even got upstairs. Today was the first day I ever "Maxed out" on something. Today was a chest day (Have I explained this? Maybe this will be my next post.) and I have recently added bench presses into my routine. Again, last time I was doing them with the bar alone so I would get glances from the free-weight beefcakes varying from amused to offended. Because we didn't have any time constraints, the gym was relatively empty, and we were both working chest: I told Will I wanted to try to max out my bench press. So, I wasn't really sure where to start, so I started with a 25 on each side which is 95lbs total. I actually managed to do 2 of them! So, we agreed that I could safely say I maxed out at 100. haha. I switched up my usual routine of 3 sets of 15 and did 5 sets of 8. Bench press is a lot easier with a spotter who you know can lift you much less the puny-in-comparison bar you're lifting. So I did 5x8 at 75 pounds, which is obviously 30# more than I was willing to do by myself. I have a feeling my chest is going to be very sore tomorrow because I then proceeded to do my normal chest day minus the incline press I usually do.

Ok this is getting longer than I thought so 2 quick things: I need to not get the Tuna sub from subway again unless I do Zumba on Fridays. The footlong Tuna on wheat with cheese is 1,470 calories!!! 93.6 grams of fat!!! I mean, it's also 48 grams of protein but goodness! I was so surprised when I started trying to put it into my calorie counter. So even with a 700+ calorie workout I'm over my calorie goal for today. So, BEWARE! Next Friday I'll have to plan ahead and get some healthy fish or make my own Tuna because damn, that's not gonna work. Second thing is that I'm doing the aqua bootcamp tomorrow with Will! So that will be exciting, I'm sure. Except that I'm 95% sure I can't wear my heart rate monitor in the pool so I won't know exactly how many calories I'm burning. Hmm, guess I'll have to see what MFP can come up with for me. Well, that's all for tonight, guys. Again, thanks so much for all the encouragement and sharing your stories with me! I really appreciate it and enjoy hearing about how hard work pays off for others, too!

Gooooooooooooool [The goal-setting post]

So this post is brought to you by: Progress! When I was using my calorie counter app, It informed me that if every day were like Friday and Saturday, I could lose 22 pounds in 5 weeks. Now, this is about 4.5 pounds a week, which is INCREDIBLE. In all senses of the word, because I didn't really believe it. SO, I apologize in advance if this gets tedious, but y'all stick with me because I think a lot of us need to think about things a little differently.

I'm gonna come out and say it: I want to lose another 100 pounds. This may sound crazy to you skinny people, but all of you fluffy kids out there can imagine where I'm coming from. I'm currently down 30-32 pounds from my "start" weight, which took me 16 months to lose and a year to keep off. I lost my focus and this summer I un-did a big chunk of my hard weight loss. I managed not to undo my muscle gain, which is an important distinction. So weight-wise I'm essentially where I was at this point last year, but I've got my best work out buddy back and we're both focused and ready to keep working.The thing I've got going for me that I didn't last year is that I've felt what 10 more pounds lighter feels like. I know that with just another couple months at this pace I could potentially be down to shopping consistently in regular stores by this summer. Last year that was my goal and I missed it because of lots of things going on with work and family and my boyfriend coming home. But this year I am more focused and determined than I have ever been. And I have a plan, a clear laid out set of goals. If I can stay on this track I'm on, I'll show you what I am capable of.

So here goes the micro-goal setting and meeting that you have to do within the bigger picture to stay on track. I have lost around 10-12 pounds in 5-6 weeks, that is just at my 2 pounds a week which is my goal on the calorie counter. Now the way I went hard this week puts me at 4.5 pounds a week. So let's be realistic and say that If I continue to work hard and eat well, I could potentially lose 15 pounds every 6 weeks, about 2.5 pounds a week. When you break it down into bite-sized pieces, it becomes a lot more conceivable. "I need to lose 100 pounds" well...yeah...but when you say it like that it sounds IMPOSSIBLE. But if I lose 15 pounds every 6 weeks for the rest of the year, I will have lost 115 pounds by 2014. I could even think that if I stayed on pace I wouldn't even have to lose weight during the holidays I would just have to maintain that last 6 weeks of the year. Happy Holidays! You've transformed yourself and now you can take pictures for Christmas cards to re-introduce yourself to all your friends! lol. Did that idea just cross my mind? It absolutely did.

Now, I know as I lose fat the weight will not be quite so "easy" to sluff off. I know this. I know it's going to be hard, even excruciating, the closer I get. But when I lay it out in such clear terms "Marissa, all you have to do is be under your calorie goal and keep working out and eating lean protein" it makes it a lot less stressful. I have to constantly be thinking about why I'm doing this. It's not just to be able to shop at H&M or eventually buy a wedding dress with only 1 digit in the size. It's so that 20, 30, 40 years down the road I won't be worried about checking my blood sugar every day or injecting myself with insulin. About getting out of breath playing with my kids and grandkids. Worried about what the possible side effects of this medication or that medication are, or how they interact, or how much my prescriptions are a month.You have to do what you can with the cards that you're dealt in life. My genetic deck isn't so hot but my cards can for the most part be trumped by diet and exercise. With a low BMI and a healthy diet, science suggests that I can keep everything I'm at increased risk for at a good distance. But you know what else you can keep with a low BMI and a healthy diet? Single-digit-sized clothing. And that's pretty encouraging, too. 

Marching Towards Progress

Well I finally have a good picture where I look noticeably smaller, so I wanted to share those with you. The first half of this wk was a waste bc I was at job training (my company got bought out so I have to re-learn my job under the new company) so I didn't get to work out and Tuesday I ate so much pizza. Lol anyway so yesterday I went to spin and then worked out hard for another 45 mins so I burned 1412 calories yesterday. I was almost at negative calories for the day until I let myself eat some tagalongs. Lol. I don't feel bad about it tho. =P anyway, let's see if I can show these to you.

This first one is from April 2010, just under 2 yrs ago. This was right before I moved home. The next 6 months from there was the biggest point I've been, although I don't know specifically. I didn't have a scale when I was in school, and fat girls don't like weighing themselves anyway. Lol

This is from March 2011, probably about 10 lbs down from that last picture. This is about 5 months after what I'm considering "before". At this point I had been doing Pilates and was a little more conscious of what I was eating.

And this of course is from this past weekend, March 2012. 25-30 lbs less than the previous picture, although probably down I'm guesstimating 35 lbs of fat less. I put on mostly muscle the summer after that when working out with Will, and stayed roughly the same weight the whole summer, even tho I was very slowly losing inches.

My bf% is still going down, faster than my overall weight, so I just have to stay really focused on the positives and not the very slow moving scale progress. I feel stronger every day, and that mix of weight training/muscle building and cardio/calorie burning is going to be the best formula for success, especially when I can keep my overall calorie consumption at a reasonable level.

Victories of All Sizes

I have so many things I want to tell y'all! I didn't know what today's post was gonna be about til I was on my way home from the gym. Today I want to talk about victories and setbacks and how I classify and handle them. This was spurred by a victory I had today: I jogged on the elliptical for 5 minutes without breaking a sweat. I remember times [not too terribly long ago] that I couldn't jog for 5 minutes straight, or it would've had me breathing like that rhino at the end of the stampede in Jumanji. So needless to say, today was a great day for me.

Especially considering I ate like CRAP this wknd. Belated birthday celebrations and superbowl snacks are not conducive to eating healthy/staying under your calorie goal. But instead of dwelling on the fact that for 2 days in a row I ate like "old Marissa", I just made myself work that much harder today. Josh's schedule got pushed back so I actually was on the elliptical for 20 minutes before he kicked my ass for an hour. And I survived, like a champ. This is another reason why today is very victorious, especially in the shadow of the weekend of deliciously awful food/drinks. Lol.

It's really all about celebrating your victories no matter how trivial they might seem. That's how you keep yourself going. My victories at the beginning that were huge to me are now common occurances. Again, it's about being self contained and not trying to compare yourself to everyone else. That may work for some people, but I know for the majority of women, that's gonna be a recipe for sweat pants that never see sweat and always see couch. And also letting what you COULD consider failures fuel you as motivation to do better next time.

So just START! Be self aware. "Today I will not eat anything fried" "I climbed the stairs without breathing harder" whatever your starting point is, just start. Set goals, big and small. Long and short term. It's kinda like when you add something to your to-do list that you've already done just so you can scratch it off. Think of something you can already do, congratulate yourself, and take it a step further. So you can already climb the stairs with no difficulty? Great! Try running up them or see if you can walk 2 flights. These are the kind of baby steps you HAVE to take to keep yourself motivated. At least for me, if I'm achieving something every couple days, I can only keep improving, right?

This is how I've dropped 40 lbs and 32< inches. And guys, I'm on a roll. Suddenly stealing my sisters size 12 shorts is no longer a day dream but a GOAL. One I'm on track to achieve by this summer, if I can keep up the intensity. And if I can't? I'm still 3-4 sizes smaller than I was. My size 24s from 2 summers ago look like clown pants on me now. A couple weeks ago I bought a size 16 jacket and I did a little dance in the dressing room(and I don't care that you know it)! So what that I ate a crap-ton this weekend? I burned 1111 calories today and I "ran" a mile and a half in less than 20 minutes without breathing like a rhino. I am my successes, not my failures.