IF you give a girl some coffee...

So I'll be double posting this week to make up for missing last week, get excited! Depending on my schedule, Wednesday might be a progress pics post! =) Just got down to a size 14 bermuda short! My legs are all bruised from deadlifts so I'm trying to wait for them to fade before I show off my legs. haha. If you like pictures, I am occasionally posting some here that don't make it to the blog, so you can check that out. As of last week I am down 70lbs from my starting weight and pretty soon I will be ready to announce to the world exactly how fat I used to be. haha. I had to get pretty far away from it before I would even hint at it on Fitocracy but now I'm in a place where I'm happy with my progress and find that hard numbers are more appealing especially when those smaller numbers seem SO impossible when you feel SO fat. So yeah, coming-out-party of sorts TBA. =D

So I said I'd talk about IF [Intermittent Fasting] this post and I will GLADLY tell you about it. I also feel like at this point in my blog since I'm starting to get people reading that I don't actually know in real life, I feel obligated to let y'all know that I share all this information as stuff I have found to be helpful for me in my fitness journey, and do not claim to be any kind of expert in anything. I can only share what I've read and let you know what's working for me. Now, if you're not familiar with the concept, this is a really comprehensive overview of the science behind fasting and intermittent fasting. Basically, if you don't eat for an extended amount of time, your body responds by increasing fat oxidation, i.e. burning fat. And this is the fat that really likes you and wants to stay with you forever, the "stubborn fat". The fat that is currently ruining[read: hiding] my would-be-beautiful arms and legs. *sigh* So the optimal fat burning window I read (I think on leangains) is over 16hrs fasted. Anything over I think 8 hrs is elevated from "normal".

So since June 10th I have been doing a 16/8 split of fasting and eating. That is to say, from (roughly) 7pm to 11am I am fasting. I try to finish eating dinner by 7 and I don't eat again until lunch around 11. It's really been fairly simple. I got kinda hungry the first week, but not exceptionally so because I've never been a huge breakfast person. For a while a few months ago I was forcing myself to eat breakfast mostly because "you should" and not really because I was hungry. I found that it made it harder to stick under my calorie goal not only because I was having an extra 300ish calories first thing in the morning, but also because by lunch time I was SO HUNGRY that it made it harder to be happy with my deficit-sized meal. Now, I got to add back in something that I had cut out for a long while- coffee. It was kind of necessary when I was weening myself of caffeine and Dr. Pepper that I kick coffee as well. My poor body just craved the caffeine and I still had such a sweet tooth that after all the stuff I put in my coffee, it was calorically almost as bad as the full calorie can of DP! Now I can put a tablespoon (25 calories) of fat free flavored creamer in my coffee and It tastes just fine!

The beautiful thing about coffee/caffeine is that it is an appetite suppressant and fat-burning-motivator in one. I don't want to say "fat-burner" because I don't think the caffeine really helps burn the fat as much as it helps kick start the fat burning process. But also, because coffee is a viable substitute for breakfast, it helps you think you've already eaten and you shouldn't be hungry. And also, I just really missed coffee so this is all kinds of win for me. =) Most people who follow some form of IF usually use coffee or tea to get through their fasting periods. Drinking lots of water is also important but as I've stated in the past, that's never been a problem for me so I just keep up my good hydration habits. So, coffee for breakfast, lunch for lunch, dinner for dinner, water alll day. Stop eating after dinner. Simple.

I remember reading people commenting about IF that it was hard to get in their calories and should they be eating more and blah blah blah. I'd had some days where I had been really good- too good, you could argue- and been pretty far under my calorie goal. But I couldn't imagine having to get advice on how to eat more. What? Who are you? What is your life like? Can I have this problem? Well, I kind of did towards the end of the first week. I just wasn't hungry or didn't have enough time to fit everything in during my 8 hours of allotted eating time[the term is "feeding window" but it makes me think of zoo animals or something so I don't like using that term. lol]. I figured out that if I just added a snack that I would be okay. I actually went over my calorie goal a few times and I still managed to lose 4 lbs in the last 2 weeks. I had been losing 2 lbs pretty consistently there for a while, but over the last month or two, it had slowed to about a pound a week. This has kick started my weight loss back to where it was and I think is exactly what I needed to get me back on track to getting to where I want to be by the end of this calendar year.

Another thing to note about why IF works in a strictly calorie restriction vein- I think a lot of people experience this "falling of the wagon" happening at night. Having a sweet craving an hr or 2 after dinner, wanting to munch on something while watching a movie or being on your computer. The kind of mindless eating that can really inhibit weight loss seems to happen the most at night. So if you cut out the munchies, which you should do anyway, and then happen not to eat breakfast the next day (hello, 8am classes- we used to always skip breakfast) you've probably already done your 16 hour fast without any real effort or elaborate planning. Now you have your whole days worth of calories to eat in the time you'd usually eat 2 meals. See how much "extra" food banking those calories bought you. You've earned yourself a cookie. 

Crazy Schedule Meets Crazy Yogi

The last week went by so quickly and my routine is so off because of this upcoming concert that I actually stopped and said "Oh, today is Wednesday...I need to blog". haha. I can't decide if I have nothing to say or too much to say.

My regular routine has been smashed to little bits, but I'm coping surprisingly well. haha. With my boyfriend, Will, being gone and my added rehearsals for the choir I'm singing with until Sunday I am just trying to make sure I'm going to the gym- but my class schedule is completely different. Theoretically LA fitness has very similar class schedules so that you can always go to a specific class at a specific time at almost any gym. Well, except my gym doesn't have yoga at the same time as Will's gym. So I tried the yoga class at my gym and I knew it wasn't going to be anywhere near as cool as my regular class but I went in with an open mind. I'm glad I had prepared myself because it was really different. It started out and I was afraid it was going to be more "restorative" yoga but then after like 15 minutes of basic stretching we started doing all these balance things and I was like, uuuuuuh...crap. I balanced on my head/shoulder, one foot and my butt bone. I use the term "balance" loosely of course. =) So that was Friday, and I talked to the teacher afterwards because I was curious what her kind of Yoga was called. She said it was Hatha. She also said some things that almost rubbed me the wrong way, but I dismissed it because Yogis are supposed to be super chill, so maybe she wasn't as judgmental as she sounded.

I decided to give her class another try because lets be honest, balance isn't my strong suit so that could only make me better. Class was mostly the same and I was a little better at standing on one foot, and a little worse at balancing on my round squat-enhanced butt. Well after Sunday's class I spoke to her again, and this time she definitely said things that put me off. Some of her advice was good, but she definitely frowned upon my weight lifting; made a comment that suggesting that I wasn't treating my body right. She also told me that if I did yoga enough that I wouldn't need to lift anymore. ...Um, you're making the assumption that that is a goal of mine? After I already told you I'd been lifting much longer than I've been doing yoga? I dunno, it was very strange for her to say that to somebody who told her they had only been doing yoga for about 2 and a half months. I was talking to her because I was curious about her specific discipline, not because I wanted to adopt it as my own right now, forevermore. *sigh* Anyway, so I don't think I will be going to her class again. I would on Friday, but I think I'm going to go back out to the other gym so I can take Will's brother to work out. I think he's been slacking in our absence so I need to go crack the whip! =P

I really miss Zumba. Like really really. I went 2 weeks ago and not since and I want to DANCE and be silly and burn calories! But, there is a bootcamp at my gym on Saturday and there is a Zumba portion at the end so I am definitely looking forward to that!! I missed the May bootcamp...and maybe the April one? I can't remember. But I'm definitely going this Saturday early afternoon so if we're friends "IRL" please text me if you want to go, I'm allowed to bring friends. =)

Well, I was going to talk to y'all about my new adventures in intermittent fasting, but I think it will have to wait. I started Monday so maybe I should wait til next week to really write about it. BUT I will tell y'all that another thing about my schedule being different is weighing on a different scale. Every time I would weigh myself on the scale at home it would be 1-3 pounds different than Will's scale. And i'm not talking about normal through the day variations. I mean one time I tested it and weighed myself right before I left, and then right when I got home and it was 2 pounds different. So I just decided I wasn't going to weigh myself until after he gets home in a couple weeks. Well, it's kinda driving me crazy but it's also kinda nice. I know I've lost weight so I'm just going to be content in the feeling that my clothes are getting looser and I've been picking up progressively heavier things. I got on the scale today and saw a number 4 pounds lighter than what I saw last week so I'm just gonna keep it in mind but not officially log it in MFP or anything.

Today was chest day and it was awful and wonderful at the same time. Upper body workouts are usually like that for me. I feel so weak because my arms are nowhere near as strong as my legs. But I would rather be like that than like the guys that are curling 80lb dumbbells but then can only quarter squat 135 lbs. *sigh* But I AM making improvements which is, after all, the whole point. I am slowly but surely becoming a better(and smaller) version of myself. =)

Food Verdict? Not guilty!

I feel like I always have so much stuff to talk about but I don't want to ramble or repeat what I've said recently. So if I do either of those things, sorry!

So- day 8 of the squat challenge was harder than I expected! Today was a rest day, but my legs weren't sore so I almost did squats today anyway! haha. This challenge has been pretty awesome so far. I won't talk a whole lot about it because I'm doing daily updates on my facebook group, but I do feel compelled to say: I did my Monday squats in sets during commercials of watching The Amazing Race. Just saying, you can make excuses(Monday is my day off from the gym due to my schedule) or you can make commitments and get results. Tomorrow we come back strong with 100 squats so yeah, I guess I'll take my rest when it's scheduled.

Speaking of scheduling things- I have an article I want to talk to y'all about. Go read it! I'll wait.

Done? Ok good. So I've never had a scheduled "cheat day" and this article makes me glad I don't. But I think she's onto something when she says that it might be good for you to feel the difference in your body. If I eat too much or greasy food or something that I know I shouldn't, more often than not I have more physical repercussions than mental or emotional. I can't eat a whole restaurant serving of fries anymore. Like, physically and mentally unable. There's still a tiny part of my brain that says "There's still food on your plate, eat it!" But I know that if I finish it I will feel awful, because the last time I did(which was probably several months ago now) I felt so sluggish and bloated and it was the worst feeling ever now that I'm not used to feeling fat all the time anymore. And like she said, you can still celebrate when the occasion calls for it. I ate SO MUCH on Saturday celebrating with my friends and adopted family. But because I stayed away from things I know would make me feel crappy(excessive creamy-saucy pastas, etc) and ate more of the delicious things (like brisket and rice) that wouldn't make me feel crappy, I didn't feel bad in body, mind, or spirit. Yes, I still have some food-guilt- I mean I'm a Mexican Catholic, guilt is the last thing we can get rid of- but not for when occasion calls for it. Part of that is my changing palate and just increased will power. Turns out using those muscles makes them stronger, too.

I actually ate a bacon double steakburger last night from steak and shake. This would probably fall into the "If it fits your Macros[IIFYM]" mentality. This is the mindset that as long as you hit your allotted macros(Protein, carbs, fat, etc)  for the day that it doesn't matter the calories or what you're eating. For example, as long as I don't go over my carbs for the day, I could eat as many Doritos as I can(this is what i'm currently craving, apparently, normally I would say ice cream). I don't usually[read: ever] follow this because it stresses me out, but that cheeseburger fit into my macros and my calories and I burned 1200 calories at the gym so I wasn't going to feel guilty about it(480 calories, which is pretty good for a cheeseburger). This made me happier than yet another grilled chicken sandwich from somewhere. And because I had been good with my lunch and my snacks, even if I hadn't worked so hard I still would've been okay to eat that. Sometimes you just want a cheeseburger.

And on that note, everyone should read this! I think everyone has looked at a girl and thought "Go eat a cheeseburger, please!" ...Well, at least I have...but I have a notoriously low tolerance for ITGs...oops. So this is an article from that girl's point of view and how she changed her life by lifting. I will be a little more forgiving of chronically skinny girls after reading this article. They're probably more of a casualty of society than I am. But as she says, hopefully we have a shift in thinking and "strong will be the new skinny". =) 

Plateaus and Legs

Y'all, these last few weeks have been ROUGH! I've been working hard, eating pretty well, under my calorie goals and I hadn't seen any real change on the scale. I went to a "fat-burning bootcamp" last Saturday and I weighed like 3 pounds more the next morning. Even if you're telling yourself "Muscle weighs more than fat" and even if your boyfriend is telling you [unsolicited] that your thighs, arms and waist are looking smaller; a girl can't help but plead with the scale to cooperate and get on board with everything else!

So last night Will had lots of homework, and I was exhausted from a long day so we ended up not going to the gym. And, to make the night even more guilt-ridden, we had fried chicken for dinner(which I haven't had in months). I was under my calories but over in fat, saturated fat and sodium. To make it even more lazy-feeling I slept in this morning. So I stepped on the scale this morning thinking that it would be the same numbers I've been looking at for the last 2 weeks. To my surprise I had lost almost 3 pounds! So, as of today I have lost 46 pounds from my start. I'm hoping that means my body is going to get back on track. I was pretty consistently losing 2 lbs a week for a while so I want to get back to that. I know your body will do everything on its own time but gosh it's annoying!

In other news, today was a leg day. I stopped doing the hip abductor/adductor machine a couple weeks ago and started doing plie squats with a dumbbell and some pilates moves for thighs. I also started doing full squats, because apparently Will and I weren't doing them exactly right. You're supposed to go all the way down where your thighs are parallel to the floor, but I wasn't doing it that far down before. At first I had lowered my weight but now it's back up to higher than it was before. So I started doing them free-weight on the 45lb bar and it's not as hard as I thought it would be.

Have I every told y'all how freaked out I was when I started doing squats? I had to start at a really low weight(like 60lbs lol) and work my way up. It wasn't that I couldn't do more weight physically but mentally I had to get over it. I really don't like things touching my neck, and I guess it's just the really constricted feeling of literally having all that weight on your shoulders. Like one wrong move and you're going to crush something or decapitate yourself. I mean, it's not gonna happen but in my mind I was one wrong move away from a horrific death. Lol. But I'm over that now and squatting like a champ-in-training. =) Today I upped it to 115 lbs after my first set at 105. I'm still doing leg presses at 180 but last week I did 5 x 10 so this week I did 4 x 12.

My normal routine used to be 3 sets of 15 reps for everything but I started trying to do higher weights at 5 x 10. This may have something to do with my "plateau"? I'm probably gaining muscle faster than I'm losing fat. I'm pretty sure I've talked about the muscle/fat relationship before but I really need everyone to see this picture again even if you've seen it before.

This is what you're working towards. Getting rid of that gross looking bumpy fat and trying to get more of that lean pretty looking muscle. So if you're working hard and getting on the scale and seeing that the numbers are staying the same, then that's okay. You just have to reprogram your[most likely female] brain to focus on your other successes: adding more weight on a challenging machine/exercise, being able to run longer or faster, or having more room in your clothes. All those "NSV". You HAVE TO stay positive, focused and motivated; because on this journey, it's a lot easier to give up then it is to stick with it. 

Sugar and Thighs and everything Wise

So, I had a really fabulous day. I did a REALLY intense leg work out today but a milestone one, for sure. I did 5 sets of 10 on squats and leg press. I "leveled up" on both, I guess you could say. I've been slowly adding 5-10 pounds a time on both and today I got to 90 lbs(1 big 45 plate on each side) and 180 lbs (2 big 45 plates on each side) on the leg press. I usually do 3 sets of 15 with less weight but today I felt like really pushing myself. I was pleasantly surprised at how not-quite-as-hard-as-I-thought it was. Definitely still pushed myself harder than usual, which needs to become my new "usual". THEN I went into the dark aerobics room(a group of gym rats had taken over the ab mats, giving me a good excuse to hide) and did some inner thigh exercises. I did a couple sets of some Pilates moves and then 3 sets of these altered squats with a weight that are supposed to work your inner thighs more. THEN I had myself a mini Zumba session. So yes, lots of fun. haha I basically put myself through a mini bootcamp. I need to check if they're having another one of those at my gym this weekend.

The New Norm

I've been needing to push myself harder because I have not lost any weight in the last week. It's weird because this March 1st I was exactly where I was last March 1st as far as weight and body fat%. This is good and bad. Good because that means I've come a long way in the last 2 months to undo everything I undid the 6 months before that. Bad because I essentially wasted a year. But I'm trying hard not to think about that. I've learned a lot in the last year about myself and my body and how it reacts and what it needs. And I've come a long way stamina and strength-wise. And I still haven't gotten anyone to do my measurements so I dunno if I'm exactly back where I was size-wise. I dunno, I keep going back and forth on that. But part of what is annoying me is that this was where I plateaued last year and I never got over it so now I'm gonna have to switch it up to get over it this time. Not exactly sure what I need to change but hopefully I'll figure it out. 

Looking back one of the biggest differences is my stamina, and I can't help but wonder if part of that is that I don't drink carbonated drinks anymore. I remember during soccer season when I played varsity I would cut sodas out for 3-4 months of the year because our coach suggested it. It always made my body feel better and I could keep up better. And I'm fairly certain I've mentioned it before, but: drinking water is the most important part of a healthy lifestyle. Yesterday on facebook I saw this picture and it really illustrates what I've tried explaining to people in the past. 

So for your viewing pleasure: Rethink your drink. 

This is a picture of the drinks and below the amount of SUGAR in each drink. Now, I'm not even gonna get into what all this sugar can do to you, the difference between natural sugar and added sugar blah blah blah. I just want to point this out solely from a weight-loss perspective. A 20 oz bottle of Dr pepper has 250 calories and 62 grams of sugar. So, say you normally have 2 of those in a day- That's 500 calories and 124g of sugar. [That's like 3 cookies or something] So say you manage to be under your calorie limit for the day drinking all those calories and you're still losing weight, great. Cut out just ONE of those sodas a day? You'll lose an extra 3.5 pounds in 5 weeks. Cut out both of them? 5 pounds. So in that scenario you could lose A POUND A WEEK just from cutting out sodas. This isn't to mention what replacing that soda with water will do for your body. I remember in the past I could lose 5 pounds in a week just by replacing soda with water. (Lent, anyone?) Trust me, you make the switch and your kidneys will be thanking you. 

Now I say "just", but I too was once a Dr. Pepper fiend. I transferred to diet dp and then I kicked it completely. I haven't had a soda in two months. I tried having one for the caffeine like 2 weeks into the new year and I felt awful! So yup, I slowly dwindled and as of this year I'm pretty much carbonation free. The doctor I work for claims that in the next 10 years we're going to find out all kinds of awful things sodas do to you like when they started actually researching what cigarettes do. The thing is, used properly, caffeine itself can do good things for your body. I've been wanting to do a post on caffeine and one on artificial sweeteners but I haven't done the research I need to to be able to talk about it like I want. I think it's important to know what you're putting into your body. It's one of the key shifts your brain has to make for this lifestyle change to really stick. You have to go from "this tastes good" to "this is good for me", and they don't always have to be mutually exclusive. When you start giving your body the right building blocks instead of complete crap for it to work with, it will reward you, I PROMISE! Not getting kidney stones from too many sodas is probably it's first "Thank You". You're welcome. 

Pizza and Cheesecake? Si Se Puede!

I was bad today and didn't work out. =( BUT I went to Zumba yesterday and I'm going to hit leg day hard tomorrow so I'm not gonna beat myself up about it. I promised y'all recipes today so here we go!

First and easiest is a tortilla pizza. Pretty simple and depending on your ingredients you can cater it to the level of healthy you want. I like the "carb balance" tortillas, they are only 80 calories a piece and high in fiber, which makes you feel more full. Put your oven on 350 and lightly brush one side of the tortillas with olive oil and add any garlic salt or seasonings you want. Put them in for 7-9 minutes depending on how crispy you want them. Pull them out and add your toppings. I used the no sugar added ragu(next time you make pasta, save a little bit of the sauce for pizza the next day or two), boneless skinless chicken breast shreds, one slice of bacon per pizza and reduced fat cheddar. Put those in the oven another 4-6 minutes depending on how many toppings you used. One of my pizzas was 256.7 calories, 15g fat 6g saturated fat and 18.8g protein! The carb balance tortillas are the small ones so I usually eat 2 of them. So for one meal it's just over 500 calories with 30g fat and 37g protein. Not stellar, but definitely better than the rough equivalent of eating 4 slices of chicken bacon pizza from papa johns- 1400 calories, 48g of fat and 20g saturated fat. 60g of protein but look at the cost! So yes, this is a good option if you like pizza but don't want to blow your whole day's worth of calories.

The next one is a new find that I have tried twice. Will found it on a body building forum. I've altered the recipe to fit a 9inch cake pan, because I wasn't going to buy the 6 inch pan that the OP used and I thought it was silly to use ALMOST all the cream cheese but not all of it.


16oz - Fat Free Philadelphia Cream Cheese(2 8oz packages)
13oz - F age 0% Fat Free Greek Yogurt
2/3 Cup egg substitute
1 Cup - Granulated Splenda
1/3 Cup - 1% Milk
1 1/2 Scoop - Trutein Vanilla Protein
1 1/2 tsp - Vanilla Extract
1/4 tsp - Kosher salt

Directions: All ingredients at room temperature.

1. Preheat Oven to 325 - Prepare 9" cake pan with non-stick spray and parchment paper in the bottom.
2. Cream Cheese in bowl - mix on medium until creamy
3. Add splenda - mix on medium until incorporated
4. Add eggs one at a time while on medium.
5. Add the rest of the ingredients - mix on medium for 3 minutes.
6. Pour in pan
7. Bake at 325 for 30 minutes. Turn oven to 200 for 50min - 1 hour. Remove and let cool on the counter. Wrap and refrigerate overnight.

So, I never measured my vanilla or salt...or refrigerated overnight...haha. The original recipe called for eggs but we only had egg substitute which worked out because I had to increase the recipe by a fraction. Now, you can probably omit the protein and this would still be a fabulous cheesecake recipe but it won't have the flavor so if you take the protein out make sure to add something to make it tasty. In the cheesecake that's sitting in Will's fridge we used his "chocolate dipped strawberry" trutein and 4 tablespoons of chocolate PB2. It is SO GOOD! Stats for with the PB2(powdered peanut butter) are for 1/8 of the cheesecake: 133 calories, 0.5g fat and 20.3g protein. The first time I followed this recipe except we used Cinnabun Trutein(which is the bodybuilders choice brand of protein, apparently) 122 calories, 0.2g fat and 19.6g protein. Sooo last night Will and I celebrated our 2nd anniversary at the cheesecake factory and we split a piece of cheesecake. My stats on HALF of a slice? 464 calories, 19.5g fat and it doesn't have the protein for it. So yeah, this is a HUGE improvement, even disregarding the protein. This thread on the protein cheesecake had 51 pages of comments and suggestions on things you could do and pictures of all the cheesecakes people had made. Of course you can add a crust to it and you omit the parchment paper, but it's pretty tasty and I didn't even miss the crust.

So, a low maintenance recipe and a high maintenance one. haha. Hope y'all enjoy those, let me know in the comments if you make them! =) And just so y'all know, I'm still on track with my 2 lbs a week and am down 16 lbs from the beginning of the year and 38 lbs from my starting point! I'm gonna try to get someone to do my measurements soon so I can see exactly where I am. I am feeling stronger than I ever have and am confident that I've lost more fat than the scale shows. I'm starting to be able to see definite fat loss in my calves and to some extent my arms. Progress!

Confessions of a Reformed Food-a-holic

Hey guys! So I have lots of different things I could talk about but I never really know what would be the most helpful, and it's been recommended that I do another food post since it's been about a while since I talked about my struggles with food.

As I've said in past posts, the biggest thing about your attitude towards food is to be realistic and honest while being disciplined. I am realistically always going to want something chocolate. BUT I never need anything fattening. So I have to find smart substitutes and make sure I have them or can make them. Simply getting rid of everything sweet in your house isn't gonna cut it because if you're going to crave something sweet, when you actually get your hands on it you're doing to undo a lot of hard work. Or you're going to raid your pantry and end up putting cocoa mix on your boring healthy cereal or something. [I haven't done that but I was just thinking about things that I could do with whats in my pantry.] This actually happened to me tonight after dinner. After a really good spin class(-724 calories) I came home and ate a really good dinner (Grilled chicken, green beans and whole wheat penne with low fat cheese: 406 calories) and then just really wanted something sweet. This will happen to you especially after work outs, don't give in! Your body is craving food and calories to replenish what you just spent- give it good stuff! So I did actually raid the pantry and came out with some blueberries and cream oatmeal(260 calories).

Not the best thing, but better than the cookies I could've made from the fundraising cookie dough in the freezer and the crunchy peanut butter that was on the counter. This is another good point for all of you looking at eating better: don't be tricked into thinking peanut butter is ok, or even good for you, it's not! I actually let myself have a tablespoon of it- 100 calories and 8 grams of fat! FOR A TABLESPOON! I shudder when I think of all the crunchy peanut butter sandwiches that fat Marissa made with extra pb. To this day I love peanut butter, but I rarely have it anymore. I use the powdered peanut butter in my baking and protein shakes and it's a lot healthier but creamy peanut butter is so unsatisfying to me it's not even worth it most of the time. That is something I've just had to get over. My fat crunchy peanut butter sandwich days ended years ago and I'm a smaller, healthier person because of it.

So yes, KNOW YOURSELF. If you have a sweet tooth, get things that are sweet but healthy (or at least have some redeeming qualities) to snack on. I've mentioned fruit, especially apples, before but my latest discovery is dark chocolate oven roasted almonds. They're not actually like coated in chocolate candy, it's like they were dipped in cocoa powder and then roasted. The best part is a serving size is 24 nuts, which is a pretty decent sized handful, for 160 calories and 5 grams of protein. You get to feel like you're eating a good amount, they're sweet and crunchy(which is always more satisfying to me for some reason). And almonds are one of those foods that health nuts(pardon the pun) are all about. "Power foods" or whatever they want to call them. Whatever, they're awesome. I definitely recommend almonds for snacking purposes, but make sure you look at the serving size and make sure they're not adding a bunch of crap to the seasoning and coating.

When I'm shopping for snacks or food, my eye goes straight to the calories. The second place it goes is the serving size/amount per container. Is this an acceptable amount of calories for this serving size? This is where people get tripped up. You see a small bag of chips, you look at the calories and you think "Oh that's not that bad..." but if you check it's sometimes 2-3 servings per container, not that anyone actually eats only 1/3 of a small-ish bag of chips. Well, maybe chronically skinny people do, I dunno. The point is, not only to check the calories, but to check the serving size. If you are debating getting a snack and you don't think you could limit yourself to only 2 cookies or 7 crackers or whatever, DON'T GET IT! Because then you'll be putting in 3 servings in your calorie counter and be crying that you ever bought a supposedly healthier something. One thing that I really like is these huge bag of veggie straws that we get from Sams. They have on the bag "sensible portions" and you think oh? really? But a "serving" of veggie straws(they look like colored straws and taste like baked salt) is 38 straws, which is a normal sized serving for someone who likes food. You know when you make yourself a sandwich and you get a modest handful of chips to put on your plate and it's just not enough so you get another handful? Yeah, that's about 38 straws. 130 calories, 7 grams of fat. Want some ruffles? 12 measly chips will cost you 160 calories and 10g of fat.

For all of you who like food- It's gonna be ok. You don't have to give up eating! You might have to give up eating specific things that you like as often as you want. I'm not saying you're never gonna be able to have ice cream again, just saying that you might have to limit it to once a month, or change which kind you have. You can get a whole cup(2 servings) of the no sugar added dutch chocolate blue bell (which is still pretty delicious) for 180 calories and 6 grams of fat. This is definitely a better option than the cup(again, "2" servings) of cookies and cream blue bell that is 360 calories and 18 grams of fat. It's all about giving yourself options and not beating yourself up too much. If you just burned hundreds of calories doing a killer work out and you'll still be well under your calorie goal if you have 180 calories of ice cream then tell yourself IT'S OKAY! Here's the way I look at it: Will you get skinnier faster if you don't eat the ice cream? Well, yes. Will you potentially devour a hot fudge sundae from Braums (580 calories and 30 grams of fat) if you don't let yourself eat something sweet and feel completely bummed and crappy about it if you DON'T? Potentially. ...lol Anyone who has ever loved food knows what I'm talking about here. Giving yourself small substituted-for-much-worse treats when you've earned them is going to do you a lot better than trying(and failing) to give up things completely. Because we've all got an inner fat kid we have to keep satisfied somehow.

Gooooooooooooool [The goal-setting post]

So this post is brought to you by: Progress! When I was using my calorie counter app, It informed me that if every day were like Friday and Saturday, I could lose 22 pounds in 5 weeks. Now, this is about 4.5 pounds a week, which is INCREDIBLE. In all senses of the word, because I didn't really believe it. SO, I apologize in advance if this gets tedious, but y'all stick with me because I think a lot of us need to think about things a little differently.

I'm gonna come out and say it: I want to lose another 100 pounds. This may sound crazy to you skinny people, but all of you fluffy kids out there can imagine where I'm coming from. I'm currently down 30-32 pounds from my "start" weight, which took me 16 months to lose and a year to keep off. I lost my focus and this summer I un-did a big chunk of my hard weight loss. I managed not to undo my muscle gain, which is an important distinction. So weight-wise I'm essentially where I was at this point last year, but I've got my best work out buddy back and we're both focused and ready to keep working.The thing I've got going for me that I didn't last year is that I've felt what 10 more pounds lighter feels like. I know that with just another couple months at this pace I could potentially be down to shopping consistently in regular stores by this summer. Last year that was my goal and I missed it because of lots of things going on with work and family and my boyfriend coming home. But this year I am more focused and determined than I have ever been. And I have a plan, a clear laid out set of goals. If I can stay on this track I'm on, I'll show you what I am capable of.

So here goes the micro-goal setting and meeting that you have to do within the bigger picture to stay on track. I have lost around 10-12 pounds in 5-6 weeks, that is just at my 2 pounds a week which is my goal on the calorie counter. Now the way I went hard this week puts me at 4.5 pounds a week. So let's be realistic and say that If I continue to work hard and eat well, I could potentially lose 15 pounds every 6 weeks, about 2.5 pounds a week. When you break it down into bite-sized pieces, it becomes a lot more conceivable. "I need to lose 100 pounds" well...yeah...but when you say it like that it sounds IMPOSSIBLE. But if I lose 15 pounds every 6 weeks for the rest of the year, I will have lost 115 pounds by 2014. I could even think that if I stayed on pace I wouldn't even have to lose weight during the holidays I would just have to maintain that last 6 weeks of the year. Happy Holidays! You've transformed yourself and now you can take pictures for Christmas cards to re-introduce yourself to all your friends! lol. Did that idea just cross my mind? It absolutely did.

Now, I know as I lose fat the weight will not be quite so "easy" to sluff off. I know this. I know it's going to be hard, even excruciating, the closer I get. But when I lay it out in such clear terms "Marissa, all you have to do is be under your calorie goal and keep working out and eating lean protein" it makes it a lot less stressful. I have to constantly be thinking about why I'm doing this. It's not just to be able to shop at H&M or eventually buy a wedding dress with only 1 digit in the size. It's so that 20, 30, 40 years down the road I won't be worried about checking my blood sugar every day or injecting myself with insulin. About getting out of breath playing with my kids and grandkids. Worried about what the possible side effects of this medication or that medication are, or how they interact, or how much my prescriptions are a month.You have to do what you can with the cards that you're dealt in life. My genetic deck isn't so hot but my cards can for the most part be trumped by diet and exercise. With a low BMI and a healthy diet, science suggests that I can keep everything I'm at increased risk for at a good distance. But you know what else you can keep with a low BMI and a healthy diet? Single-digit-sized clothing. And that's pretty encouraging, too. 

Mexican Standoff-ish

Y'all...The end of the week was INTENSE! Wednesday I tried a new exercise that I have been putting off: The dead-lift. This is the last weighted exercise I've really been avoiding that I've finally tried. I get scared of things that require me to go to the male show-off corner of the gym...aka the free weights area. There's always some sweaty guy who's giving himself the "who's your daddy" face in the mirror while he pumps excessive amounts of weight. And there may or may not be a grunting sound track. And you never want to get too close to him in the off chance that you will impair his view of himself in the mirror and incite his ['roid] rage. ...

Anyway, needless to say the free weight section of the gym is VERY intimidating because most people that frequent this area are like 10% body fat or less. I try not to think "wow, i'm technically 300-400% fatter than you"...because really these thoughts don't help when you're sticking your big Mexican butt out to do the exercise. Because that's what you have to do for dead-lifts. I specifically did the "stiff leg dead-lifts" because they're supposedly the preferred version for women. I watched a video of an extremely cut woman do them with the correct form so you should youtube it if you're interested. Anyway, the stiff leg version works your hamstrings more than the regular ones, but it's almost a whole body workout. So I did 3 sets of 15 with just the 45lb bar. Now, 45 pounds is a lot for the female first attempt at these, but in the free weight section you look STUPID doing anything with just the bar. Everyone else has heavy weights on both ends of a bar doing much more complicated movements than my tiny simple looking stiff leg dead-lift motion. So once again my advice is IGNORE ALL THE SKINNY MUSCLED PEOPLE. Seriously. Your eye is drawn to them because that's what half of them want, but don't do it unless you're looking specifically for correct form(which may also be a mistake in some cases).

So my adventure Wednesday in the free-weight section went surprisingly well. Until I realized Thursday morning that dead-lifts were evil. My hamstrings were so sore and tight I was constantly looking awkward in the downtime at work trying to bend over and stretch them. And my forearm flexors were sore and I was so confused at first until I realized that gripping the bar must've actually been a new and strenuous workout for me. I guess that's the muscle you focus on if you want to be a Ninja Warrior. In any case, Thursday I did 3.31 miles in 30 minutes on the elliptical and a good ab workout. I was debating taking the day off because I was so sore, but I really wanted to go to the bootcamp my gym was having on Saturday and I thought Friday would be the more prudent day to take off. It turned out to be a good choice, all the elliptical kept my hamstrings from getting too stiff and I just did a lot of stretching on Friday.

Saturday came and I was so pumped but nervous for bootcamp. Pumped because I knew that it was gonna be a brutal assault on all the fat in my body and I was going to burn a ton of calories, nervous because...well, the same reasons. lol. Mostly because at the bootcamp last month(which was my first one and I burned 1600ish calories in about 2 hours) I had 2 friends there so I felt a lot more comfortable. This time I was only going to know one of the trainers and maybe some people I recognized from spin classes and stuff. And it's only mildly encouraging that the one person there you're familiar with is the one that's making you want to cry out in pain and anguish. lol Okay it wasn't THAT bad. Overall it was a lot better than the first one. I've come a long way in a month, it seems. The jump squats and step presses and all the "sculpt" stuff was easier than it was last time, although not to say that it was easy in any acceptable sense of the word. The hardest part of the whole 2.5 hours was the compound abs. Now, I'm pretty good at ab stuff for a fat girl, if we're being honest. That is to say that if we're doing a set of 20 of a specific ab group that's moderately difficult I can hang. And if all we're doing is a series of single-target ab sets, I'm your girl. But you throw a compound ab at me and 5 in I'm doing whatever modification you offer to make it possible to complete my set of 20. I don't understand! It's starting to really frustrate me and it's something that I'm just gonna have to work harder on.  Those are times when you have to really come at the exercise head on and say "Okay only one of us is gonna win and it's not gonna be you".

My favorite part of the bootcamp was Zumba(surprise!). If they put anything else at the end I'd be screwed. We'd already been working out for an hour and 45 minutes when we started Zumba. 105 minutes BEFORE starting 30 minutes of straight cardio dancing. My stamina has DEFINITELY gotten better. It's funny because yesterday I was like "GROSS I haven't smelled this bad since my soccer days" but that's probably because I haven't pushed myself that hard for that long since those days of old. I was doing Zumba thinking "God, please don't let these people smell me over themselves". lol. So after I did an extra song with only like 4-5 other crazy people after everyone else had left, I got in the sauna. It felt so good to stretch out and relax all those muscles that I just worked out so hard. According to my heart rate monitor that got stopped for a few minutes somewhere between compound abs and burpees(which I also suck at but it's ok because very few people are good at those) I worked out for 2:34 hours and burned 1817 calories. Oh and the best part was this morning I weighed myself and I've lost 10 pounds in the last 5-6 weeks. =D I'm on track with what I want to do, and most likely my next post will be about goal setting. Next week there is an "Aqua Bootcamp" which I'm interested in so I will definitely keep y'all posted on that. Thanks for all of you reading and all your comments and facebook encouragements and everything. It really means a lot to me! Y'all make it easier for me to write this knowing it is actually helping some of you with your own trials and tribulations. =) Let's do this, people!

Ok don't be mad...

Soooo I've slept in my own bed once in the past week, sorry I haven't blogged like I promised. But hey doesn't every blogger have to apologize for not blogging? So we all knew this was coming. Lol. Anyway, all of my working out of town has brought on lots of thoughts about just how freaking hard it is to be healthy when on the road and how bad I am at it. I'm doing my measurements again next week and I feel like I've totally dropped the ball.

First, I specifically got a hotel that had a fridge and a fitness center. Even when I looked at the pictures all it was was a busted looking bowflex and a treadmill, it was still better than nothing. Well I get here and it has NO fridge but a nice treadmill, elliptical and bike. So I can't go out and buy groceries like I wanted to but I can work out. Too bad I haven't yet- yesterday I had a valid excuse, today I was just lazy. Lol. But then I realized I was redoing my measurements next week and I need to keep my rear in gear and just go work out. It's not like I can cram for this kind of test, but I can undo my work very quickly with lots of bad food and lots of not working out. And my schedule this wk is just not conducive to being healthy. Especially because I'm working in a small town where the only fast food is sonic and the gas station. I'm sad to sad to report that I've had pizza for lunch the last 2 days.

But really, when you're broke an you can get 2 pieces of pizza for $2 or a grilled chicken sandwich for $6... It's kind of hard to convince the fat kid inside that the sandwich is a better choice. OMG speaking of sonic, can we talk about their newest addition to the menu? They sweet potato tots!! Which sounds amazing except that they're $3+. As in you could get a chicken finger sandwich, regular tots, and a happy hour drink for what they're charging for the [slightly] healthier option. This is just one really frustrating example of why it's so hard to be healthy on the road. I mean this isn't a new phenomenon; better ingredients are more expensive, healthy things are also unfortunately less in demand so combine these 2 things and you usually get significantly more expensive healthy options. Let's do a little comparing with everyone's favorite fast food punching bag- macdonalds.

99c McDouble= 390 calories
99c McChicken= 380 calories
Grilled chicken snack wrap= 270 calories

Now those are all smaller sized items. I can't find the prices online so this isn't going to work out how I wanted it to. Lol. Anyway, you all know what I'm talking about. This is why last week I asked for healthy options from fast food restaurants bc I knew I'd be on the road a lot.

And now I'm gonna do something that you're all probably going to hate me for. I'm going to enlighten you on specific choices that I used to make and ones I make now. Let's go back to sonic for a bit, bc you know I'm not the only one obsessed with tots. My old favorite to order was the bacon cheeseburger toaster combo. Large tots, large cherry limeade. [oh yes, I'm going here]. Calories in that? 870 + 330 + 220 = 1420 calories. What I order now? Grilled chicken wrap, small tots, Large DIET cherry limeade. 320 + 130 + 20 = 470 calories. Y'all. That's almost a THOUSAND calories difference. Ok this is the one you're really not gonna like, but I have to do it. *grits teeth* I've only been to Raising Cane's twice in the last year since I got this app. You know why? Oh, you know. Box combo, no slaw, extra toast. Ready for this? 1039 calories! that's not even counting sweet tea and each extra cane's sauce is 173 calories!! And there's no substituting at canes. Lol It would take me a spin class PLUS a weights set 3(3x15) to burn off a box combo. Add on the tea and an extra sauce and you're probably looking at another 3(3x15) ab set. That's a lot of work for fried chicken.

Ok guys I apologize, that was ugly but I had to do it. I just wanted to show you what this new awareness has done to/for me. Most places its a matter of just getting the smaller size or not getting sauce or holding the cheese or getting a wrap instead of a sandwich. [fun fact, 2 corn tortillas have about as many calories as one slice of bread] and if the choices don't allow for much difference I always try to get the better ingredient. Like wheat over white or brown rice instead of white rice. I think of it as getting better blocks to build with. If they cost the same, get the better one. Although I guess in a way it's like gas quality and prices. The cheap gas does the trick but the expensive gas makes your car run better. Supposedly. Unlike eating healthy, who ever buys the premium gas?

That Place of Dreams and Nightmares: The Gym

I just did a spin class for the first time this morning. Only the extreme sense of accomplishment is keeping me from swearing I'll never do it again. I burned close to 900 calories in an hr. I'm still at negative 350 calories for the day even with extra cheese on my lunch. Lol. Anyway, this is perfect bc I really wanted this post to be about the gym, and most people's attitudes about it.

One of the reasons I never asked to go work out with Will is because I didn't want to go into the gym. He looked like the poster child for any gym in America and I looked like the poster child for a insulin pump. Lol. Seriously though, the LAST thing a fat girl wants to do is put on shorts and go sweat infront of a bunch of skinny people. When I finally went, I just had to get over it. Put in my earphones, block out the rest of the world, and focus on what I was doing. Going with Will was like getting passes backstage, in a way. I got to see what he did to get the way he was.

I started out doing weights like he was, but a Mexican woman and a Black man have completely different bodies, so needless to say I wasn't making the great strides that he had. I was still losing slowly but surely and I was feeling stronger and better so I kept it up. I added cardio and started to see and feel a bigger difference. Weight wise I wasn't really making a whole lot of progress but as you know, muscle weighs more than fat, and I wasn't too concerned.

When Will left for bootcamp I promised I would keep working out on my own and in 8 weeks when we saw eachother again we were both going to be measurably thinner. Well back in April I had gotten a new job and it had me traveling and busy and it was another month before I managed to join the gym by my house. I had put back on 5 pounds in that time, but I was still about 20 lbs lighter than the year before. It was about a year since my starting point when I finally threw out all the excuses and got my smaller-but-still-big butt into the gym.

It helped a lot, mostly unconsciously I'd guess, that the gym looked almost EXACTLY like the one I'd been in for months with Will. The guy who signed me up was even in the navy and we talked about that and I felt strangely comfortable. Now, let me tell you, it was still super intimidating because it was mostly skinny people, but I wasn't the only one there because they were trying to better themselves, not by a long shot. And even at closer look those thin and muscular people were still sweating and breathing hard on their chosen machines. I could do this.

I started going as much as work would allow, and you know what? It SUCKED! A lot. But it was also the best feeling when you were done and knew that by your own will power and determination, you just burned off x amount of calories and were on track to lose x amount of fat. You by your power are changing your life. And THAT, my friends, is worth every minute of feeling gross and sweaty and being sore. Which is why I am actually about to go back to the gym for my training session. I'm probably crazy, but I'll talk about personal training next time. Until then, keep up the positive thinking! You guys are great =)

Let's Talk About Food

I think it was around April '11 when my sister told me about this app that would count your calories and tell you how many to eat(or not) to meet your weight loss goals. I downloaded it and had yet another minor epiphany about this whole being-healthy-and-losing-weight thing. It's called myfitnesspal and you should download it/go to myfitnesspal.com if you have ever thought about keeping a food diary. 

First of all, I really appreciated that it kept track of my progress, short term and long term goals. Also, when I worked out, I could put in how many minutes I did what and it would tell me (approximately) how many calories I burned. But what spurred the epiphany was actually keeping track of what I was eating and being aware of where my calories were coming from. Also, when I would put in my work outs, I would see how much foods "cost" me in comparison. For example, one donut is about 12 minutes on the elliptical.  Now, if I'm only planning on being on the elliptical for 20 minutes, it would take OVER HALF of that to burn off one measly donut.  

This was insane to me! I mean, theoretically I knew how much work it took to burn calories, we all did that lab in high school where we had to burn food to heat up water or whatever it was. So, becoming more conscious of what I ate was mostly a matter of still being a bit lazy. You know? "I'm not gonna eat those potato chips because I will have to run an extra 10 minutes just to burn that off". Or maybe just my experience in weighing options of what to spend money on, now I was deciding how many calories I had to spend and where I wanted to spend them. 

The real key to this is to know yourself, and be honest about what your limits are. If you're only setting yourself up for failure, then you will be discouraged and, well, fail. I know that I like to eat, and I like sweet things. So, I found ways to prevent failure. My 2 main things were chocolate soy milk and apples. "Man, I really want chocolate" Oh here's a 90 calorie glass of chocolate that also happens to have calcium and lots of good-for-you stuff in it. "I really want something sweet" Eat an apple. There's something strangely satisfying about crunching into an apple.

Lets be real: if you are a fat kid, you like to eat. So putting yourself on a 1,200 calorie restriction and doing meal replacement right out of the gate is PROBABLY not going to work, unless you just have insane will power. And if you did, then you probably wouldn't be a fat kid to start with. But letting yourself eat a huge piece of grilled chicken and lots of broccoli and feel FULL, and then realize you only ate about 250 calories...now THAT could be successful. Because lets be honest, eating a lot is probably one of the reasons you're where you're at to start with. Eventually eating less is going to be the goal, but you have to learn/realize what to eat first.This is how I taught myself how to eat. I still eat out, but I usually work out on days that I do, and I feel like I've earned it. And calorie-wise I have. 

Another great thing about that app is that when you're done for the day and hit "complete", it will tell you what you would weigh in 5 weeks "if every day were like today". It's just an approximation based on your calorie intake, but it's just another level of motivation to see that mathematically(which is the most convincing way, right? lol) if you did as well every day as you did today, you'd be 10 lbs lighter in a month. Then you click "progress" and log your losses and you get to see that graph keep dipping down as time goes on, now THAT is totally worth eating an apple instead of a "normal" dessert.